Archive for April, 2009
Obama ‘Excited’ About American Sovereignty
Recent news that Barack Obama has been flirting with extremist leaders from around the world, had been presumed to be an effort on the part of his administration to re-establish a sympathetic perception of America’s foreign policy. Turns out he was just picking up tips on how to dominate a people…
The dramatic defection of Republican [...]
We’re NOT All Going to Die
Turns out, after being informed this weekend that the Swine Flu epidemic was beginning of the end for mankind’s tenure on this Earth, that, in fact, it’s not a very big deal and we should generally ignore the over zealous World Health Organisation from now on.
After a few days in which alarming news was fed [...]
Frank Lampard Tells Radio Presenter He Doesn’t Hate his Kids
Frank Lampard, this morning launched a scathing attack on a radio presenter who had suggested that he didn’t really like his children very much.
Frank Lampard called a London radio station today to defend his conduct after his former fiancée described him as “heartless” in a newspaper article yesterday. Elen Rives, Lampards former moneydrain girlfriend, told [...]
Apple Pulls ‘Jade Goody Cancer’ Game
Apple have quietly pulled from iTunes a game in which the primary aim is to overexpose Jade Goody until she gets ill and dies.
The withdrawal of the ‘Give Jade Goody Cancer’ application follows closely on the heels of a game that featured in the Apple store in which the aim was to shake a baby [...]
US Threatens Sanctions on Well Groomed Beards in Iran
Having recently attempted to quell the fires of US-directed dissent in Iran, by offering a slightly brittle-looking olive branch to the country’s leadership, the Obama administration has altered it position slightly in the face of pressure from the American public.
Since Obama’s day-time broadcast on Iranian television, where he offered the country a “new beginning,” the [...]
Darling Played Piano on Sinking Titanic, say Witnesses
It is common knowledge that back in 1912 Alistair Darling, incumbent Chancellor of the Exchequer, was busy playing the piano on the deck of the Titanic while she was sinking. If you have ever looked at the man and wondered just how his hair was that so ‘iceberg white’, well there’s your answer; it’s because [...]
F.A. to do Sweet F.A. about “Guff” Wemberley Pitch
Famous for being bitter in defeat, for blaming a loss upon anything other than their underperforming players, and for being “whiney little bitches”; it was pleasantly familiar to see both Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger and his Manchester United counterpart, Sir Alex Ferguson, graciously ungraciously accepting failing to accept their respective F.A. Cup semi-final losses this weekend.
In his post-match interview, and [...]
Sweden Jails Men for Providing Free Porn. World Despairs
Unaware of the economic difficulties that afflict the rest off the world, Sweden has forgotten its place, and stuck its nose in right where it wasn’t wanted.
Four men behind a file-sharing website that provides British users with thousands of hours of five knuckled delight, were sentenced to a year in jail and ordered to pay [...]
Real Americans Drink Beer With Low Calories
For the first time since the prohibition of the ‘boring 20’s’ U.S. imports of beer from foreign far-away lands have begun falling, according to statistics released this week by a generic sports bar, somewhere or other in the Mid-West.
The news that imports fell by a sobering 19% in the first two-months of the 2009 fiscal [...]
Met to Review ‘Hippie Bashing’ Protocol
Scotland Yard is to carry out a review of its ’smack anyone with dreads’ tactics after a man died and a woman was struck with a baton at the G20 protests.
Sir Paul Stephenson has called in Her Majesty’s Chief Inspector of Constabulary, Denis O’Connor, to conduct a wholesale review of the way demonstrations are policed, [...]
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