Archive for July, 2009
(Migrant) Aliens to Reclaim U.S. and A. for the Britons
Saturday, July 4th, marks the 233rd annual – and final – festival of wicked awesome WalMart-sponsored independence for the Yankees. However, by this time next year America is set to be nothing more than a British colonial outpost once again – as scores of U.K.-homeland-adopting Polish migrants have been signed up to pilot rather large [...]
Michael Owen Wins Alex Ferguson’s Old Trafford Golden Ticket
A young man with bad knees by the name of Michael Owen has been announced as the first winner of Alex Fergusons’ Golden Ticket to join Manchester United as a player. The competition, started by the eccentric old manager at the Northern English Premier league club, is said to have been a means for the [...]
Dead mad dogs and Englishmen
A heatwave grips the UK; “hotter than Sun” says The Sun, in a well-balanced, non-provocative headline. The government warns, “Keep off the grass”. And, in a further, desperate attempt to prevent the sun-starved residents of this rain-drenched isle from heat-stroking to death, the government has employed a media campaign costing several pounds to tell [...]
Nation Expects Very Average Home-Grown Sports Player To Dominate ‘Everyone’ And ‘Everything’
No British man, woman, team, crew, or sporting collective has ever won a sporting event of any significance, ever. But of course, on multiple occasions, Britons have celebrated one of their own “local boys done good” coming a perfect second. Even the umbrella, government-run Department for Culture, Media and Sport has adopted the slogan ‘winning is for [...]
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