Archive for September, 2009
Doctors Advise Ban on Advertising to Protect Easily Swayed, Drunk Population
Doctors today called for a ban on all advertising in Britain after it was suggested that the population was too drunk to resist the lure of flashing adverts for steak knife sets and cleaning products made from industrial acid. The British Medical Association said the crackdown on marketing was needed along with an end to [...]
Bent Or Brown? No, Not A Night Out In Soho, But Fantasy Football Season In Full Swing
As the twelve nasty economic plagues of Egypt recession finally appear to have finished meddling with our monies, and as the al fresco Pimms drinking season comes to an abrupt end you’d be forgiven for thinking its the perfect time for us hard-working Britons to knuckle down and well… work hard. Wrong. As we [...]
Roman Abramovich to Have Fifa’s Legs Broken
Roman Abramovich has vowed to “mount the strongest appeal possible” against Fifa’s decision to ban Chelsea from signing players in the next two transfer windows, by having the legs of football’s governing body broken. After Fifa today banned Chelsea from buying any new players until January 2011, Abramovich is said to have become furious and [...]
Harry Redknapp Suspected of Perverting the Course of Football
Harry Redknapp has come under suspicion of carrying out a massive conspiracy in the hope of breaking Tottenham Hotspur into the top four in the Premier League. Redknapp, in cahoots with the Tottenham chairman Daniel Levy, is accused of attempting to purchase and then resell every player in the Premiership. According to reports, during the [...]
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