8 Out Of 10 Cumbrians Prefer Living Underwater Anyway

In the wake of the heaviest rainfall the United Kingdom has ever seen, a survey conducted by the Environment Agency has revealed that 8 out of every 10 Cumbrians prefers living in their quiet little corner of the land while chest-deep in the wet stuff. After an incredible 27cm of rain fell in a matter of [...]

Patrick Swayze Named Sexiest Man Not Alive

Patrick Swayze has beaten out the competition to win the title of Sexiest Man Not Alive in his first year of eligibility.

Bookmakers had it as a two-horse race between Swayze and Stephen Gately to win the coveted gong, handed out annually by Dead People magazine. The former Ghost actor and living human took the title in the same week that Johnny Depp won the non-deceased version of the prize for the second time.

Christmas Rescheduled to Avoid Clash with Susan Boyle’s Album

Christmas has been rescheduled to a wet Tuesday in February to avoid clashing with the release of Susan Boyle’s debut album, the Vatican revealed today. The record, entitled ‘I Dreamed a Dream’, has already shot to the top of the Amazon pre-order charts, and has been hailed by Pope Benedict XVI as “without a doubt [...]

Herman van Something Named President of Europe

The highest political office in Europe, the presidency of the European Council, has been given to Herman van Something, a Belgian, we think.

The newly installed president, currently the prime minister of his home country, presumably, was handed the role after it became clear that broad-based support was lacking for Britain’s favoured candidate, Tony Blair.

Thanks To M&S ‘Christmas Is Cancelled’

The Great British moral public outburst has struck again. Following complaints from as many as eight viewers that the Marks & Spencer’s Christmas TV advert objectifies attractive women, the Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) has been called in to investigate. Not since Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand discussed ‘land sharking’ an old man’s granddaughter, while live on national [...]

Belle-End: Call-Girl Behind Steamy Neurotoxicology Blog

The greatest literary mystery of the decade is solved today as Cultsha can sensationally reveal the author behind the sexy biochemistry blog, ‘Dr. Belle Magneto: Diary of a developmental neurotoxicologist and cancer epidemiologist’.
Sapphire DeBlow is a respected high class Kensington escort with a portfolio of over two hundred regular clients. She was also winner of [...]

Maradona Gives Press The ‘Dry Handjob Of God’

Diego Maradona, the incumbent Argentine national team coach, told the world’s press today that he won’t be giving his team tactical advice before games in next years World Cup and instead will simply hope for the best, pray alot, and use his pent up, drug-deprivation-catalysed rage to intimidate opposing teams. The South American demi-God also added that, [...]

Who Says Politics is For Grown-Ups – Bullying at Labour Upper School – Class of ‘09

Gordon Brown, of the 2009 class at Labour Upper School, has been having a bit of a rough time of late. Gordon has really been feeling the pressure in his final year at Labour; none of his classmates will talk to him, his grades have suffered, and continue to decline – plus his eating and [...]

English Rugby Enters Seventh Consecutive Transitional Year

Commentators have declared that the upcoming season will be a transitional one for the England rugby team – its seventh since the 2003 World Cup.

While some observers say that the squad has already completed its transition, namely from formidable world-beaters to retarded half-wits, die-hard loyalists cling to the hope that England will once again rise to the top of the world rankings.

‘She’s Like Peter Pan; She’ll Never Die’, Thatcher’s Doctor Claims

‘The Iron Lady is dead,’ came the cry from across the rooftops of London last night. No, don’t worry, or celebrate (depending upon your political persuasion), Margaret Thatcher is not dead – in fact quite the opposite. 
The source of this widespread, ill-founded rumour which quickly spread to all corners of the Commonwealth, was a morbidly-humoured Canadian diplomat [...]