Archive for December, 2009
America Yanks Away Another Of Britain’s Finest
It was New Year’s Eve 1492 and all through the house, nothing was stirring, except for Christopher Columbus readying himself to embark upon yet another voyage of discovery. All those years ago, Columbus did not know it yet but he was about to discover newfoundland – which was, of course, at that point still [...]
‘Tiger Woods, Lady Gaga Facebook Sex’ Story Fails to Boost Web Traffic
A suggestive story implying a Facebook-related link between golfer Tiger Woods, musician Lady Gaga and the word ‘sex’ has failed to produce any discernible increase in web traffic for gossip website Pimpsandhos.com, much to the publisher’s disappointment. Despite repeated mentions of the disgraced sports star Tiger Woods in close proximity to in-vogue singer Lady Gaga [...]
Big Brother to Physically Manifest Viewer Experience
Next season when you’re watching Celebrity Big Brother, pretending not like it because Heat says its no good these days and you don’t want to upset the bland, but more self-confident people you call your friends, and you announce that “watching this is like Hell,” you will, in fact, have a point. The new Big [...]
NFL Players to Donate Brains After Retirement
American football’s NFL has encouraged players to give permission for their brains to be removed and used for scientific study at the end of their sporting lives. High-profile players such as Ben Roethlisberger, Brian Westbrook and Kurt Warner have already been convinced with surprising ease to sign up to the initiative, intended to examine the [...]
Entrepreneurs Turn To OAPs To Provide Cheap Labour
Ever since the recession first hit middle England, start-up companies have one-by-one been forced into closing their doors to customers. The Office of National Statistics (ONS) estimates that owing to budgetary constraints and overdue debt facilities, as many as 22% of small and medium-sized (SMe) companies have gone under. The impact of this absence of [...]
‘OAPs Are Stealing Our Jobs,’ Claim UK’s Migrant Worker Population
Rising numbers of retired Britain folk are picking themselves up out of the armchair and placing themselves back into gainful employment. Commanding wages far below the bread line, and earning barely enough to buy a copy of the Daily Mail twice a week, blue-collar work is proving to be the option preferred to rotting away [...]
Eurostar Delays Blamed on Wrong Types of Train and Staff
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The ‘Gillette Curse’ Claims Its Final Victim: Roger Federer
Just like in the film Final Destination where the grim reaper had ‘a plan’ to catch up with those who cheated death, the fall from grace of three sporting heroes of the modern era was written on the bathroom mirror in shaving foam long before the events of the last-few weeks played out. There was [...]
British Army Bishop Joins Taliban
The new bishop to the British armed forces has apologised after admitting to a surprise conversion to Islam last week. The Reverend Stephen Veneer made the announcement yesterday during a controversial interview with the Daily Telegraph, where he stated the Taliban could “be admired for their conviction to their faith and their sense of loyalty [...]
Doctor, Writer Quizzed Over Reopened Murder Cases
A doctor and a writer have been arrested after US police reopened hundreds of cases relating to murders committed in the 1980s and ’90s. Mark Sloan, 84, a surgeon from Los Angeles, is being questioned about his involvement in a spree that ran for 178 murders over 24-week periods in every year between 1993 and [...]
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