Archive for January, 2010
Charity singles ‘worse than earthquake’ say Haiti survivors
After suffering a devastating earthquake only days ago, the Caribbean island of Haiti is bracing itself for a second seismic disaster, this time in the form of an onslaught of charity singles.
The first tremors were felt on Tuesday when Robbie Williams revealed he would be re-joining former Take That band members to sing a verse [...]
Dutch Courts Rule McDonald’s Cheese ‘Worthless’
A Judge in a Netherlands court today ruled that the cheese served with McDonald’s burgers was effectively worthless, stating that the faux-dairy product’s ingredients, nutritional value, personal benefit both in terms of health and taste and the unsightly neon-lacquer colour equated to an nonchargeable item.
The judge, acting in a wrong dismissal case against a woman [...]
England ‘Bored’ Of The Beautiful Game
‘We’ve had a good run’ conceded a rather solemn looking Trevor Brooking, the Football Association’s head of football development when asked whether football was set to implode in 2010. ‘Everyone knew it would come to an end at some point; it’s just amazing that it has lasted as long as has,’ Brooking continued.
18-years after the [...]
‘The Inconvenient Truth’ About How Britain Is Fighting The Big Freeze
During the month-long cold snap which has blighted every corner of the UK, freezing Britons in their millions have been turning to an alternative and cheaper fuel to help stoke sub-zero temperatures: DVD copies of Al Gore’s ‘An Inconvenient Truth’. Surplus, unsold Region-2 copies of the box-hit crash have become the kindling wood of choice [...]
Iran Football Chief Sorry for Forgetting Non-Existence of ‘Israel’
The president of the Iranian Football Federation (IFF), Ali Kaffashian, has apologised for his organisation’s strange and confusing decision to send a New Year’s greeting to a fictional country. The IFF’s foreign affairs chief Mohammad-Manour Azimzadeh has also resigned, taking responsibility for the mistake.
The made-up state, ‘Israel’, which is thought to be a figment of [...]
Wooton Bassett residents stage morris dance in Afghan village
A dance troupe from the Wiltshire parish of Wooton Bassett has announced plans for a morris dance through the Afghan town of Jalamabad in a daring response to extremist leader Anjem Choudary’s decision to organise a Muslim anti-war demonstration in their own West Country village.
John Rosebottom, chairman of the Wooton Bassett Morris Dancing and Real [...]
Nick Clegg’s ‘Change in 2010′ Speech Leaves Britain Speechless
In a speech that had President Obama phoning him up for tips, Nick Clegg’s infamous ‘change in 2010’ speech, which delivered a new year message to the masses on December 31st,has been hailed by a board of speech writers, backbench MPs and Ben Elton as the ‘Speech of the Decade’.
In 2009, a year which saw [...]
Brown Demands Faster Knee Jerks to Tackle Terrorism
Knee-jerk reactions to the attempted US plane bombing on Christmas Day have not been fast enough, prime minister Gordon Brown has claimed.
“If we hope to catch terrorists off-guard, we must demand much swifter deployment of strategic anti-terrorist knee movements,” he said on BBC One’s Andrew Marr Show. “By delaying, we are only giving them a [...]
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