Archive for February, 2010
Obama Gears Up for Health Care Reformapalooza 2010
In a television event that he hopes will rival the Superbowl for drama, risk and outlandish Bud Light commercials, Barack Obama will today host Health Care Reformapalooza 2010
The live TV summit on healthcare will pit the GOP Obstructionists and against their main rivals the Democrat Dead Horse Beaters in a fearsome battle to reform healthcare [...]
Climate Change Less Credible Than ‘Avatar’, Poll Shows
The proportion of adults who believe climate change is a reality dropped by 30% over the last year, in direct contrast to the percentage who believe Pandora, the fictional planet from James Cameron’s blockbuster ‘Avatar,’ actually exists, a new poll revealed this week.
Over 70 people were questioned in the survey, which took place outside the [...]
Sleeping All the Time Makes You Less Tired, Reveals Science
US scientists have claimed that people who sleep for over fourteen hours a day and try to take several naps between meals are more likely to be alert and able to absorb information than those who spend the majority of their nights in the throws of violent night terrors.
The study revealed that those participants who [...]
Next Parliament Will Be ‘Hung’, Boasts Clegg
The next parliament could be “the best hung parliament in recent British history”, Liberal Democrat leader Nick Clegg has claimed. His comments came in response to an ICM opinion poll that showed the gap between the three main parties narrowing ahead of this year’s general election.
“I don’t mean to sound arrogant, but the more seats [...]
Argentina Begins Drilling For Oil Off Isle of Wight
Britain’s relations with Argentina fell to their lowest ebb in nearly three decades last night when Buenos Aires gave the go-ahead for the commencement of an offshore drilling program in the seabed around the Isle of Wight. Two rigs operating a mile offshore the disputed territory in the Solent waters have become the centre of [...]
What’s The Story Boring Tory: Brown’s Volcanic Temper Wins Over Voters
Despite the worst fears of Labour’s spin doctors, Prime Minister Gordon Brown’s now infamous temper and violent outbursts are proving to be a hit with voters who nostalgically remember the time when they were once the biggest bully in the playground. The small trickle of stories about Britain’s best paid civil servant and his volcanic [...]
Curling Team Claim Intra-Team Infidelity Will Not Affect Olympic Chances
The British Winter Olympic Curling team has said in a statement today that the recent revelations regarding chief sweeper Mike Berry’s affair with skip Dean Subway’s former fiance will not affect the team’s perfomance at the Vancouver games in the coming week.
Tabloid headlines all week have been speculating as to whether the teammates will compete [...]
Pretty Girl Also Good Skier
Attractive female Lindsey Vonn has stunned the world after demonstrating competence in her chosen profession of proceeding quickly down a snow-covered mountain. The 25-year-old American lovely turned in an outstandingly skilled, elegant and pert performance in claiming the gold medal in the ladies’ downhill event at the Winter Olympics in Vancouver.
Media commentators and Olympic officials [...]
Britain Ten Times Worse Than You Think, Say Tories
Britain is ten times worse that your most dismal view of the country, the Tories have claimed. Despite facts to the contrary, The Conservative Party have released information, with no factual basis, that suggest the only cure for Britain is to set the entire place alight and watch as the evil burns.
A campaigning document entitled [...]
Climate Change ‘All Lies’, Admits Science
Theories that the earth’s climate is changing as a result of human activity have been acknowledged as an elaborate joke perpetuated by almost all of the world’s climate scientists.
“It was good while it lasted,” said Rajendra Pachauri, chair of the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC), “but it’s time we came clean. Global warming was [...]
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