Gordon Brown, of the 2009 class at Labour Upper School, has been having a bit of a rough time of late. Gordon has really been feeling the pressure in his final year at Labour; none of his classmates will talk to him, his grades have suffered, and continue to decline – plus his eating and flatulence problems are worse than ever.

It all started after Gordon’s best friend Tony left the school. Tony was one of the popular kids, everyone liked him because you always heard what you wanted to hear from honest Tony. Tony eventually left because he had been there too long (secretly though Tony was happy to have gone as he actually thought that the Labour Upper School had gone downhill a bit over recent years and that he’d probably have more success at the more affluent European school.)

Shortly after Tony left the Labour Upper School, having handed over his position as Head Boy to Gordon, things started to change and all the other boys started picking on Gordon. Worst of all the boys was Rupertsun Murdoch, a real bully. Rupertsun didn’t really go to the Labour School but used to hang out with all the cool boys who did, a mean little boy he would spend his time teasing and criticising others whilst making up ridiculous stories about the other children.

This is how Rupertsun made Gordon cry; by mercilessly teasing him about his bad spelling and appalling personal hygiene in front of everyone, despite knowing full well of Gordon’s severe learning difficulties and various fungal infections.

Gordon was terribly upset about this because he used to be really good friends with Rupertsun back when his old pal Tony was around. The three of them used to be the best of friends and practically ran the school together. But with Tony gone Rupertsun got worse and worse, constantly bringing up that ill-fated school trip to Afghanistan that Tony organised and Gordon went along with. People were still pretty cross about that and as much as Gordon desperately wanted to forget what had happened, Rupertsun would not stop bringing it up.

But the final straw for Gordon was when Rupertsun started saying Gordon shouldn’t even be Head Boy at all anymore! This was terrible news for poor Gordon as he already thought that he was unpopular and this just proved it. Rupertsun wants his posh new best friend Dave to be Head Boy so he can start having all the same sort fun he used to have with Tony all over again, just with a different crowd. The sad truth was that Rupertsun just loved messing around with the Head Boy and the whole school because he thought it made him important and powerful, when really it was because he was Australian and a basically a bit of a bastard.

However all is not lost as this story ends in one last spiteful act, Gordon still being Head Boy has decided not to let Rupertsun’s little brother Sky, get first dibs at cricket anymore. So there!