Recession is a state of mind. Psychologists and other sciency people will tell you that a downturn is simply the product of a negative collective mindset that results in a widespread failure of faith in the financial system. I’ll lay it out for everyone who didn’t get a completely useless BA in psychology. First the media is all like ‘fuck we’re gonna die under a cloud of ash in the apocalypse brought on by the ballooning housing market,’ and for a while people are like ‘yeah fuck off, I’m gonna upgrade to a 47 inch HD this year.’ And then later the media are ‘no, yeah but really though, we’re all fucked,’ because that how you sell papers, and eventually everyone like ‘yeah well they must be right, fuck no HD upgrade, instead i’ll bury my money under the floorboards, and eat stew.’

I’m talking about confidence. Here at Cultsha we have a lot of it. Hence we roll with a 140 inch HD projector screen in the office. But for the most part the rest of the world has none. Primarily because everyone with glasses and a beard and a CEO after their name has been saying for the last 8 months that the world is about to collapse into an age of pillaging and rape and wars over the supply of bread.

You would think that all these bespectacled brainiacs would have realised earlier that the best way to get the economy to bounce would just be to lie to us all. Pull a Karl-Rove-Republican-party-ad-campaign-type-thing, and smash people in the face until they don’t believe anything else. There should be 400 twitter accounts just sending tweets out to everyone screaming ‘WHAT RECESSION, TAKE A CRUISE NEXT WEEK,’ but instead we’ve had everyone from Obama to Buffett telling us the Great D is coming to penetrate us in the most brutal way.

We’ll someone woke up to the whole damn thing, dusted of that dummies guide to mass manipulation and the art of propaganda and suddenly things are looking up.

Ben Bernanke, the Federal Reserve chairman, expects economic recovery in the US next year. – No. Wait. NO. Seriously. You mean i can get a real job instead of pissing on the news everyday. Oh Christ yes. – It is this kind of reaction that the news elicits – Confidence in the future, belief that there is light at the end of this fiscal tunnel to nowhere.

And so how did the markets react. Not so much like a dead cat on concrete than Tigger on a fucking trampoline on a bouncy castle. Quel surprise wise ones. Someone at the head of a national bank smiles and tells a nation that its all gonna be okay, and everyone believes him. Fuck. Who would have thought it would have been that easy.

Cultsha. That’s who. Ask us next time. We’re going cruising.