Science 
Aliens Probably Just as Shit as Humans(0)
Aliens are real and they probably want to throw patio furniture at you, according to physicist Stephen Hawking. In a new television documentary, Hawking claims that alien lifeforms are unlikely to want to lead the human race into a new technological dawn, and in fact probably enjoy setting fire to things and hitting animals. Science [...]
Theorectical Buoyant Atlantic Bridge Project Given Go-Ahead
Gordon Brown has announced ambitious plans to build an underwater bridge between England and the USA after watching a television program that depicted the hypothetical possibilities of such a project. The concept, which is said to have almost no basis in reality, is seen by some sceptics as an attempt to financially cripple any rival [...]
Fruit Won’t Save You, Study Finds
A major new scientific study of morbidity and mortality, covering millions of subjects from across the world, has found that you are definitely going to die, no matter how much fruit you eat. “Frankly, you’re screwed,” said Gerry Fitzpatrick, principal author of the study. “You can eat as much fruit and veg as you like, [...]
Large Hadron Collider Creates ‘Mini Big Bang’, or ‘Bang’
The Large Hadron Collider (LHC), the particle accelerator at the European Organization for Nuclear Research (CERN), has succeeded in creating what reports are calling a “mini Big Bang”, also known as a “Bang”. The Bang occurred on Tuesday afternoon, when beams of protons collided at record speeds within the 17-mile long circular tunnel located underground [...]
More in this category:
- Climate Change Less Credible Than ‘Avatar’, Poll Shows
- Sleeping All the Time Makes You Less Tired, Reveals Science
- Climate Change ‘All Lies’, Admits Science
- NFL Players to Donate Brains After Retirement
- Correction: Swine Flu No Longer Considered Threat to Survival Of Human Race
- Belle-End: Call-Girl Behind Steamy Neurotoxicology Blog
- Report Shows Tough Love Breeds Children ‘Who Won’t Ruin Everything’
- Want to Cure Your Stage 4 Metastatic Bowel Cancer? There’s an App for That
- Britons Say Goodbye to Source of Light in the Sky
- Avian Flu ‘Furious’ After Being One-Upped By Swine Flu
- Early Sperm Gets The Bird: Teenage Geordie Gals Left Craving The Clone
- Chlamydia Epidemic Amongst Under-16s ‘Worse than Swine Flu’
- Swine Flu Claims Soar After A-Level Cancelled At Infected Schools
- Everything’s Fine Explain Trustworthy Mexicans
- We’re NOT All Going to Die
- Children’s Teeth Reflect the Decay of Modern Society
- Danger planes to enliven the experience of flying
- Worldwide Collapse Imminent as GMail Shuts Down
- The Sun Never Rises on the British Empire
- Official: The Internets is the most dangerous place in the world
- What the fuck is that? British functionality implodes at the site of “terrifying yet endearingly beautiful pixie dust” falling from sky
- Belgians Attempt to Destroy Brit’s Sexy-Time Lives by Keeping Us ‘Oh So Very’ Bald
- Google Kills Fairies
- LA Gear returns to let us know it’s all going to be alright
- Welcome to the Matrix
- This is all you fault – Black Hole ready and prepped to suck us into INFINITE TERROR
