After Channel 4 today announced final series of the reality television show Big Brother, will be broadcast next year, executives admitted that they had become disillusioned with their inability to drive any of their contestants to either murder or suicide.

The decison comes as Big Brother’s viewing figures feel this year to under two million after many viewers complained at the lack of brutal humiliation and fatalities on the show had begun to bore them in an age when amateur fight-to the-death clubs, extreme animal porn and snuff films were freely available on the Internet.  The broadcaster said today that it will be moving on to producing newer programs that will “better satisfy the British public’s bloodlust.”

Channel 4′s director of television Kevin Lygo said the show “had reached a natural end point on Channel 4, and unfortunately it is unlikely that we will ever see someone die in the Big Brother house.”

A source representing the producers of the show say they will go all out to cause the death of a house member in the final series by spiking the contestants cereal with high doses of steroids, selecting persons with extremely low self-esteem, and introducing games that involve guns that have had their blanks mysteriously exchanged for bullets. Nasty Nick will also be re-introduced.

It has been suggested that the Big Brother time slot will be filled with a Battle Royale type show involving Millwall and West Ham fans being drugged, transported to an island, strapped with time sensitive explosives, and told that only one can survive. The survivor will be rewarded with a ‘lifetime ban’ for their chosen stadium which they can then show-off to their mates and completely ignore.

Bear Grylls has also offered to fight, kill and eat any animal live on TV.