A British mother is taking her fight to the European Court of Human Rights after she was forbidden from seeing her seven-year-old daughter because the child was deemed “far too smart to be brought up by an ordinary British person.”

A local court attempted to remove the child from its mother at birth after the child, in a rare occurrence for British babies, was born without cross eyes and seemed to react to people around it instead of simply being sick and shitting everywhere. Representatives of the hospital where the child was born said the child was unique in this country because it was not born with an innate stabbing impulse, and instead showed an inclination toward writing and art work

By age four the girl was said to have had a reading age “of about four,” deemed a rarity in Britain, and was able to deal with multiple syllables which were simply confusing to the mother. On several occasions the mother is said to have called authorities claiming her child was speaking in ‘devilish’ when in fact the child was simply constructing sentences that didn’t revolve around Susan Boyle or the nail biting end to Britain Got Talent.

The child now aged 9 has been placed with foster parents who both read The Daily Mail, and have formulated opinions on immigrants in this country.

A spokesperson for Nottingham City Council, who are responsible for removing the child said yesterday “this child has the chance to do more than simply select the next British no-hoper to be over-exposed by the media to the point of suicide – she could be a librarian, or maybe even an administrative assistant, and for that reason we need to place her with role models who can guide her into mediocrity rather than failure.”

Nottingham City Council is said to be planning a campaign on the back of this incident that will temporarily steralise every women in their jurisdiction, and then allow them to judge each woman on a case-by-case basis as to whether they are worthy of bearing their own child. Women will have to undergo basic math tests as well as being able to distinguish world leaders from the celebrities appearing on jungle related television shows.