Move on! There's nothing to see here!

The People’s Republic of China has today reopened its border with Tibet , allowing tourists to re-enter the nationstate without nationstatehood status, after a two month cessation. China said the 61-day ban on tourism was  absolutely nothign whatsoever to do with several politically charged anniversaries, but definitely because they needed time to restock beach towels and sun beds following a glutony of German visiters over the previous few months, before closure.

Following reopening the first to arrive in Lhasa – once again -was a bus load of German tourists, with military precision in a pre-dawn raid, armed with beach towels and a steely resolve to claim a solarific stake. The 11 Germans swiftly displaced locals and claimed stakes. China estimates around 20 Tibetan causalities and more than two square miles now under German control.

China said it expects another 500 tourists to arrive over the coming month and has already commenced airlifting in deck chairs in an emergency replenishment scheme after the voracious German Sudeten-chair blitzkrieg. Chinese official, comrade Lei Ying Lo, said, “We’re in a province state of panic.”

Comrade Hu Sin Hai Ding, the commander in charge of the deck chair scheme said, “We’ve had our head in the sand. It’s time to get organized”.

China has maintained a heavy military presence in the area preventing foreign journalists and human rights groups access to many distressed and deck-chair-less tourists. The Chinese government claims the military presence is to help protect the indigenous population and tourists from German barbarism.

According to several separate reports, journalists called the Lhasa tourism bureau for a statement. A man who answered the telephone at the Lhasa tourism bureau said he had not heard the news about the visitors. We can reveal that the man in question is actually comrade Sum Ting Wong, the head of tourism in Tibet and the brother of Fouk Yu, China’s ambassador of Tibetan relations. They have remained unavailable for comment.