Citigroup executives have reacted angrily to demands from officials in the Obama administration to halt a purchase of a $50 million corporate jet. Having been bailed out yesterday to the tune of $45 billion, the company was told that the jet would be a non-starter.

“Maybe that skinny little fuck can fit into one of those ridiculous 1st Class seats on the those cattle carrying public airlines,” ranted a high-level exec who refused to named on the grounds that “the fucking Obama gestapo will make me disappear Chicago style.” He continued “I literally refuse to fly with more than four people on the same plane. It’s the smell of these other people. I don’t understand why they don’t smell of money and it makes me queasy, dizzy but most of all it makes me feel pity and can’t fucking stand that feeling”

Citigroup continued with the purchase of the plane even after the Detroit big 3 were publicly and privately scolded for their use of private jets when flying to Washington to request that the Government bail them out. A PR spokesman for Citigroup countered suggestions that they had not heeded that warning saying “Look, it’s different. First off, they make cars so why wouldn’t they drive, they’re idiots, but in our case literally none of our execs have any idea how to use a car. Mostly they just skip about in their planes and helicopters or if the distance is less than like twelve miles people like me carry them on our backs”

The fleet of aircraft at Citigroup has now shrunk from four planes and a helicopter to just two, and questions have been raised to whether those are entirely necessary. Cultsha can reveal that official documents for the two jets show that on more than four occasions the planes have taken off from the base on the East Coast, flown around while they burned fuel, and then landed back in the same spot while carrying no passengers. Apparently this is tied to some sort of one-upmanship game played amongst top level execs of the wealthiest blue chip companies. The game, which is now reported to have been sidelined until the markets recover, was known affectionately amongst the players as ‘pissing on the poor’ and involved extravagant wastes of money. Other activities are said to have included having money bonfires and Bentley Demolition Derby’s, while the short-selling of Lehman Brothers shares and it’s eventual capitulation is said have been the result of large scale prank organised by several players.