A heatwave grips the UK; “hotter than Sun” says The Sun, in a well-balanced, non-provocative headline. The government warns, “Keep off the grass”.  And, in a further, desperate attempt to prevent the sun-starved residents of this rain-drenched isle from heat-stroking to death, the government has employed a media campaign costing several pounds to tell us, “if you go in the sun, you’ll burn”.

 The MET office calls the current weather “extreme weather” – and by this I take it that everyday in the Australian outback/Middle-East/the majority Africa is freak weather. Surely their governments, like ours, are telling their inhabitants to stay out of the sun and if you absolutely have to, apply enough sun screen, drink plenty of water and seek shade before you die. The MET has classified this weather as a Level 3 heatwave alert (The highest is 4).

 The heat has got to ‘the filth’ too, with the police’s new money-maker, selling fresh German style “hot dogs” (too soon?).

 Have the mainstream media succeeded so well in dumbing us down that we are unable to accurately judge the severity of weather. Do we not know what will make us burn? Are we unable to judge thirst levels or notice if we are uncomfortably hot? Or, do we live in a molly-coddling nanny-state which is determined to leave us devoid of any personal independance, individual liberty or desire to exercise our own judgement.

 Either way, I feel nautious. Now I’m not saying it’s because I haven’t consumed any liquids since my morning lager, or my determination to absorb every last drop of glorious golden sun before it rains; it’s my right to frazzle in this dazzling solarific rarity, and I will uphold it with all the zeal of a policeman and his right to truncheon  hippies at G8!

Here’s to the sun and all it brings; heat stroke, dead dogs, wimbledon and park-life, to name but a few.