Doctors today called for a ban on all advertising in Britain after it was suggested that the population was too drunk to resist the lure of flashing adverts for steak knife sets and cleaning  products made from industrial acid.

The British Medical Association said the crackdown on marketing was needed along with an end to cut-price deals to stop the rising rates of consumption of useless products normally purchased during the small hours of the morning when the population’s weakness for multi-functioning mini-blenders was at its highest.

Doctors said action was now necessary because much of the population had now become unable to make decisions for themselves and that advertising everywhere was beginning to dictate the actions of people.

“The British were never really a smart people, and have always been inclined to buy ridiculous things when swayed by men in purple shirts shouting at them,” said Dr. John Rivers of the BMA, “The number off egg-microwaving units sold in this country can attest for that.”

It has been claimed by the BMA that the additional factors of high unemployment, excess drinking and an extreme lack of self-worth in a very high percentage of the population, has meant that much of the money the government hoped would be pumped back into the British Economy is being lost to Chinese companies that produce machines that send electric shocks through your stomach muscles while making no difference to the massive amount of settled fat around your waste-line.

Dr Rivers continued “Really we need to protect the British public from themselves. Over the past eighteen months the ability of the average citizen to make independent decisions has been reduced to a level where it is felt that those decisions should be removed.”

The BMA has suggested that product advertising on billboards and T.V. slots be replaced with helpful advice and bulletins for the public. Suggested slogans include “Please Stop Killing Children Just Because You Are Unemployed,” and “Help The Economy: Use A Condom.”