A Judge in a Netherlands court today ruled that the cheese served with McDonald’s burgers was effectively worthless, stating that the faux-dairy product’s ingredients, nutritional value, personal benefit both in terms of health and taste and the unsightly neon-lacquer colour equated to an nonchargeable item.

The judge, acting in a wrong dismissal case against a woman fired for giving a colleague a free slice of cheese on a burger that had been rung up as cheese-less, declared that the act had no bearing on the performance of the McDonalds outlet and could not be regarded as stealing because the cheese “wasn’t worth the guff of a cow’s milk nipple.”

The Leeuwarden district court ruled that instead of dismissing the waitress, the restaurant chain could possibly have prevented further free cheese giveaways by pointing out that the cheeses’ primary ingredients are PVC and the discards from an MDF wood factory.

Reena Frauleanenin, speaking on behalf of the court said yesterday, “The dismissal was too severe a measure. It is just barely a slice of cheese. In fact the physical make-up of the product said to have been given away without permission is actually closer to the knee-high boots i will be wearing to my local marijuana coffeshop/sadistic group-sex meeting this evening.”

The official written judgement of the court stated that following the awarding of compensation to the waitress, it would not longer consider the stealing of McDonald’s cheese a prosecutable crime. The ruling is said to have sparked chaos around the country with outlets of the popular burger chain being overrun by customers demanding cheeseburgers for the price of hamburgers.

A McDonald’s Holland spokesperson told us this morning that there had been at least twelve cases where cheese had been ‘stolen’ following the ruling; “This stuff doesn’t just fall from the sky. We have to break down several million tons of vinyl records and then mix them with the highly volatile plastics used to make the magnetic yellow esses you see on fridges all over the country. We stood-by as Holland legalised marijuana and euthanasia, but de-criminalising the theft of American cheese is just silly.”