Paul Gascoigne, footballing legend and example of exactly how to destroy a legacy, has claimed that footballers should not be banned from drinking alcohol during the regular season.

Gascoigne’s comments come after Harry Redknapp suggested that footballers should concentrate on the job they are paid handsomely to do rather than getting pissed up and crashing into trees.

Gascoigne went on to say that boozing, and maybe a friendly scrap with the wife, helps the players to relax; “In Holland some players smoke after games, in Spain they drink red wine, in Italy they go out and collect their protection money, and here we have twelve Tuaca bombs, get the boys together and go and rush the first ethnic we can find, it’s a way of life”

Considering Gascoigne played drunk for Burnley on several occasions his views are not necessarily surprising, but it seems that footballers are jumping on his bandwagon to rehab and saying they too like to get shandied up on their days off and give the wife a good kicking, because it allows them to “take the edge off of waltzing through games for 70 grand a week.”

A player for mid-table Premiership club who asked not to be named told Cultsha, “You go out there for ninety minutes and get told by Robbie Savage that you looked like a twat in that purple v-neck on the cover of OK Magazine, and then come back and tell me it wouldn’t drive you to a malibu and coke followed by a racially motivated street brawl.”