Cultsha can reveal that pioneering documentary maker Daniel Dyer is to receive an Order of the British Empire (OBE) from Her Majesty the Queen. A leaked blueprint of the Queen’s birthday want list for 2010 reveals a recognition of Dyer’s work at the top, just above a new zirconium-plated kennel for the corgis.

On June 7th, when Queen Elizabeth II turns a year closer to death, Dyer will ‘troop the colour’ by marching up the steps to her thrown and be recognized for his services to television, general thuggery and for having a ‘splendidly amusing faux-cockney accent’. Between her busy schedule of belittling peasants and throwing strops at portrait photographers, the Queen is reported to be a huge fan of sitting down to watch Dyer’s documentaries, as they make her feel ‘all warm and blue-collared inside’. ‘In terms of national treasures, Danny Dyer lies somewhere between Dame Judy Dench, the Rosetta Stone and Sir Walter Raleigh’, a spokesperson for the royal family commented.

However, not everyone appears to agree with the House of Windsor view. In fact, the public backlash to this morning’s news has been rather unbecoming. ‘It seems that any motley fool can get a knighthood these days,’ squawked one enraged member of the public. ‘It was bad enough when they gave one to Kylie out of pity, but this is just beyond a joke. Danny Dyer… Really?’

In line with the mood of his subjects, the ever-controversial Duke Of Edinburgh has voiced his opinion and discounted his wife’s decision-making ability as ‘something of a travesty’. So, to counter it, the Duke has offered a special honour for any member of the public who stands up tall and gives Dyer a good Green Street-style bashing. Disappointingly, however, the Duke added that he could not promise a royal pardon to any such offender, as his wife wore both the trousers, and the crown, in the their relationship.