Germany has a long history of oppressing people. Just a reminder.

Stuttgart – In one of the most glaringly obvious examples of the cyclical nature of politics and populism, German authorities this week conducted “KrystallRock(t),” a large-scale raid on over 200 homes and businesses alleged to contain far-right, extremist music recordings.

Over 45,000 CDs were confiscated in the operation, which Stuttgart chief of police Dirk Goebbels lauded as “dee most successful state-sponsored (arteeestic) eugenics program een over a half-century.” Interestingly enough, the crackdown was hailed (yes, hailed) in large part by the accused, of whom the vast majority have never experienced the German government’s historical tendency to shatter windows and restrict freedoms of expression. As Günther von Reichstag, marketing director/Führer for White Pride Records, explained, “Vee did not see dis kahming, bat vee absolütely velkom dee idea dat dee Polizei ahr vunce again villing zu kondukt zemselves een such tradizional Germanic vays.”

White Pride Records, in particular, took a heavy hit: over 20,000 CDs, by Grammy-ignored bands such as Fifth Reich, Angel Eichmann, and I Love Luftwaffe, were confiscated by authorities. Von Reichstag initially expressed disappointment at his label being racially profiled, but he ultimately conceded that it is likely an aberration, given the usual political outcomes in Germany during – and immediately after – times of recession (see also: 1908-1914, 1929-1933). “In dee long rün, dee Commies and Türks veel pay for their theft of all dee beauteeful müsic dey steal today,” he explained, “but today vee müst smile and acknowledge dat dey have learned exactly what vee have always hoped dey vüd: like dee nationalismus Füssball side, dee Bundesrepublik müst alvays be attacking. Attack! Attack!”

Obviously, the targets of the German government have changed – a genocide, followed in close succession by a total defeat in a world war, usually does shake up the status quo a bit – but, as Chancellor/Führer Angela Merkel explains, “Vee vould go, was ist dee vurd, crazy? Ja, vee vould go crazy as a people und as a nation eef vee deed not alvays have peoples to blame für dee beegger eessues dat plague dee Bundesrepublik. Vee are fresh aut of Jüden, wheech eez dee fault of dee fahr-right. So now vee place dee problems of dee Reich on dee shoulders of dee fahr-right, even if jüst für a fleeting moment.”

The strategy of the German government may yet prove counterproductive: while the raid might have prevented a skinhead in, say, North West England from receiving his mail-order Anthrax for Asians album, it simultaneously made world news, and likely led thousands-upon-thousands more curious individuals to stream the music online. Unless, of course, this was precisely Germany’s plan all along…