Former British ‘leader amongst equals’ come global war guru, come well paid lecture-tour extraordinaire, is currently being lined up to become leader of the peoples of Europe - despite having previously described them as “small, insignificant, peace-mongering little shits from a hippie-drum-circle gene pool”.

Having successfully sabotaged ever-lasting happiness in the Middle East within just a matter of months, Tony “just call me Warlock” Blair has now focused his attentions on making Europe as ‘New’, as centrist,  as abandoning of the Trade Unions, as explosive and as nose-browning to big business as possible. Not for the first time in his life, Mr Blair was overheard saying, “As long as I can concentrate on selling it out from its original moral purpose, while creating some foreign soil-based explosions Hollywood would be proud of in the mean time, then I’ll be happy”.

Man and former U.K. Commissioner to the EU, Neil Kinnock, has been the first to air scepticism on Blair’s proposed appointment. The ever-fiery Welshman commented: “He’d be an absolutely fucking guff EU President. The man only read the first half of  Leo Tolstoy’s epic ’War and Peace’, and has subsequently been suckling on the teets of international conflict ever since.”

Despite Adolf Hitler being the only man to ever make cruising around in the back-seat of a convertible look ‘uber cool, yar’, expect to see Tony attempting to do so – but complete with a stoopid, mutley-like grin on his face – in a country near you, soon.

Blair - a seasoned Newcastle United supporter - has been quick to dismiss accusations that he is only interested in going on his own chauffeur driven ‘European Tour’ just because the Toon won’t be doing so at any time in the near, far or even medium-term future.