A Harvard physicist claimed today that every time the Google search engine is used a desktop computer produces about 7g CO2. The mysterious amount was equated to “boiling a kettle” or a “long, hot fart.” The damage this amount of CO2 causes is unknown but has been gestimated to “kill at least one fairy.”

The fairy population has seen a significant reduction since the rise in popularity of Google as a search engine, and it is feared that species such as the ‘tooth’ or the ‘pixie’ may soon become extinct due to the over-use of Google.

Havard University Academic Alex Wissner-Gross, who wasted years reasearching Google’s carbon print said “I was actually offered the same money to search for a cure for HIV, and i’m fairly sure i have a good idea for something that might work, but this seemed like the better ‘take the money never have to run’ kind of job. He added “Listen Columbo, you’re mad because your money come slow, And what you make in a year I make in one show”

Google has has reacted by suggesting that Wissner-Gross’s finding are innacurate, and have threatened to have him exterminated. In a press release Google said “Nah, he’s wrong, Google it, see what happens” while also adding that “fairies are about as real as the internets”

A spokesperson for the omniscient entity said “Tell that twat we have developed a weapon that will literally explode every molecule in his body. How’s that for carbon off-setting”

The Save our Faries Coalition added “a fairy never really dies as long as we keep believing”