Whitehall sources revealed today that Gordon Brown’s obsession with teen vampire fantasy series Twilight is proving dangerously disruptive for colleagues and fellow senior cabinet members, with reports emerging that many members of senior government are finding him almost impossible to work with.

“Cabinet meetings have descended into utter farce,” said Jack Straw, who asked not to be named. “The other day, when we were trying to discuss the timetable of integration for ID cards, he just sat there doodling werewolves and warbling this awful pop song. When I asked him what it was he just rolled his eyes and said ‘God, it’s Death Cab for Cutie…don’t you know anything? ’ I’m sorry, but what the f*** is a Death Cab for Cutie?”

A top military advisor confirmed the recent eccentricity of the PM: “After Mr Brown okayed the deployment of a thousand more troops to fight in Afghanistan, we were all shocked to see him burst into tears. When someone asked what was wrong, he said he had just realised that he would never have a love as powerful and all-encompassing as the one between Bella and Edward, and it just wasn’t fair that he couldn’t personally experience something that beautiful. It was utterly macabre.”

Voters and party members alike were recently left alienated and confused by a party conference speech by the PM comprised almost entirely of hints for Christmas presents, which included a Robert Pattison calendar and a Cullen Crest Prop Replica Jewellery Set. There was also the controversial episode last week where an amputee war veteran arrived at No. 10 for a scheduled meeting with Brown, only to be greeted with a hastily scrawled note reading “Gone to New Moon premiere!! Any questions ask Mandy.”

Brown was further embarrassed last week when he mistook Tony Blair for actor Michael Sheen, who plays Aro, leader of the Volturi coven in New Moon. Onlookers saw Brown greet the bemused ex-Prime Minister with shrill shrieks of admiration, before breathlessly asking for an autograph and fainting.

“It’s getting out of control,” re-terated an exasperated Straw. “The last thing we want is another Hillary Clinton on our hands.”

The American Secretary of State ordered the arrest of Alan Rickman earlier this year after a viewing of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, believing the actor to be personally responsible for the murder of Professor Dumbledore. Rickman is currently detained at Guantanamo Bay awaiting trial for second degree murder – the 63 year old’s lawyers have asked for the trial to be delayed until the release of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows in 2011.