The Government is considering implementing a winter break for exhausted English employees after poor performances at work this summer we’re blamed on the strain of completely reasonable continuous employment during January.

The schedule of the Christmas period, when workers are expected to perform for up to four days a week while carrying heavy hangovers from Christmas work parties, is said to be the cause of extreme fatigue to the population going into the vital summer months when international competition is often at its toughest.

This year English workers, despite performing at an adequate level during the early part of June, were solidly beaten by a productivity margin of 4 to 1 by German workers who displayed a vitality missing from much of the English’s performance.

“What we’ve seen this summer is the direct result of a lack of a winter break for UK employees. They have a rest period in Germany and you can see how well they have been performing as a result of this seasonal breather,” explained employment psychologist Dr. Arnold Ringer, “Their youthful flair in the economic markets is in stark contrast to the English’s laboured underperformance in recent weeks, and that is primarily down to the German willingness to allow the population to lay down and eat nothing but sausages for two weeks every winter.”

Dismal performances on the world economic stage has led to an outcry from workers who suggest that over the normally exciting summer period they were stretched to the very limit of their bodys’ capabilities and felt as though they were carrying over a collective ankle injury from sometime in March.

Mike Summers, an employee at a graphic design company explained, “I love my job. It’s what I’ve always dreamt of doing and I’m good at it. Every day I come into work I’m proud to wear the security tag on my chest which represents my company. In fact you could call me something of a corporate patriot.” Mr. Summers continued: “However, when I have to work a completely normal and expected loose schedule, which often involves simply messing around with Adobe Illustrator for three hours a day, I start to feel the fatal build up of catharsis.”

Another worker, James McCload, who spends much of his day photographing naked women, elaborated: “All I’m asking for is a completely unwarranted holiday from a job that most people would kill for. Come summer, I’m going to be worn out by the rigours of having to work during the winter months when all I should be doing is sleeping. Don’t get me wrong, i love my country and love to work well for the expecting population, but if you expect me to match other performers on the international stage, without my head going bright red and looking like it’s going to explode, then you’re deluded. Quite simply, I want two weeks off.”

The Workers Union, which have been championing the proposal, explained in a statement, “England workers have experiencing the same summer droop for 44 years. If we don’t start handing the already coddled workers of this country time off during the winter, then expect us to end up like France, where during the summer they tend to get into arguments with co-workers, start firing each other, go on strike, and almost immediately drop off the world stage.”