There’s nothing that screams “WHAT RECESSION” like a pair of space age silver trainers and LA Gear knows it. Hence their re-emergence on the burgeoning retro-sneaker scene this week. LA Gear are going to bring us back to a time when hedge funds were financial miracles, shoulder pads made women look buff, and it was completely normal to wear a a spandex leotard to work.

LA Gear announced this week, that after teaming up with LA based indie retailer Sportie LA, they have revamped their shoe line. Fortunately for fans the company has retained it’s design team glitter obsessed twelve years olds. In addition shoes will also come in their old-school flashing version even though the technology remains unsafe.

LA Gear was of course shut-down in the early nineties after children wearing the companies sneakers were inexplicably burned while jumping in puddles. The company claimed at the time that their NASA based technology was not to blame and that actually there was some kind of current travelling from hell and the children were being marked by Beelzebub himself. No proof of their claims was ever found and eventually executives shut down the company and left to start Ponzi schemes.

LA Gear are now hoping to kickstart the economy by selling their shoes at over 400 dollars a pair to fashion ignorant ex-Lehman Brothers employees who they hope have sunk into childhood nostalgia in the face of fiscal hopelessness