The Liberal Democrats claim to be on course to achieve an election upset after porn director Anna Arrowsmith was chosen as a parliamentary candidate for Gravesham, Kent, in an effort to lure millions of undecided masturbators.

Arrowsmith, 38, whose directing credits under her professional pseudonym Anna Span include Hoxton Honey, Toy With Me and Play the Slut, says she hopes to change the party’s image from one of socks and sandals to one of fishnets and stilettos.

“For many years it was assumed that Britain’s onanists would only go for true blue, but then came RedTube and they started voting Labour. Now it’s time to show these wankers who’s really in charge,” said Arrowsmith, punctuating her statement by repeatedly cracking a leather whip.

In a newspaper article, she claimed that she entered politics “for exactly the same reason I decided to start making pornography for women more than 12 years ago”, namely “to shed light on the silent majority who have for too long remained in the dark, with the door locked, not making a sound except for faint rustling and brief involuntary groans”. Now Arrowsmith, whose interests are listed on her website as “partying”, “drinking” and “porn, porn, porn!!!” is being tipped to bring a fresh perspective to the Culture, Media and Sport portfolio.

Liberal Democrat leader Nick Clegg endorsed Arrowsmith’s candidacy, pointing out that none of her activities have been illegal – in contrast to some sitting MPs – and predicting that she would help to bring vibrancy to the election campaign.

He concluded: “The Liberal Democrats are going to make a big splash at this election, and we want all of Britain to come with us. Anna will undoubtedly give us a helping hand to pull it off.”