Manchester United Sign Agreement to Become Feeder Club To Real Madrid
Manchester United signed an agreement with Real Madrid yesterday that will mean the Northern English team will act as a ‘feeder’ club to the Spanish giants.
The deal is expected to allow Manchester United to benefit from loan deals for bit part players at Real Madrid, such as Ruud Van Nistelrooy and Gabriel Heinze.
The agreement will also mean that Real have first opportunity to sign any of Manchester United’s more established players when they choose to move on to a bigger club.
The first fruits of the agreement, for Real, are to be born in the signing of Portuguese winger Christiano Ronaldo, who i said to be changing clubs to “further a career that has until now only brought 3 English Premier League crowns, one F.A. Cup, two consecutive appearances in the Champions League Final, only one of which i won, and the Balon D’Or amongst other pitiful prizes.”
Ronaldo continued that he hoped that at Real he would be able to “challenge for proper honours such as a two-team dominated La Liga or perhaps an individual dinner with the ever-so-charming Florentino Perez.”
The Portuguese midfielder continued by saying “Look at Beckham, Zidane, the rubbish Brazilian Ronaldo, they all went to Madrid having won only silly things like World Cups, and once they got there you can see that they all achieved wonderful tans and had regular dinners with the ever-so-charming Florentino Perez – that is everything that i desire.”
While no Manchester United fans were available for comment, a Newcastle fan offered his thoughts on the historic deal: “Good for them but i hope the Toon never become a selling club like that Manc lot.”
Manchester United are expected to sign a second similar agreement with Manchester City this week that will lead to City pillaging the United team for any sign of quality.
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Footballers’ salaries are – and have long been – ridiculous. It’s now possible to purchase a medium-sized African country, plus dictator and the resultant lexicon of pejorative UK adjectives, for less than one week’s pay! It really is corrupting the economic homeostasis of western world economies. And, more importantly, footballers are becoming ‘bullet-proof’, both in terms of their being subject to British law (just recently a decision was made not to charge Ronaldo with dangerous driving based on allegations that he was petting two kittens while driving when he wrote off his Ferrari in January) and following basic rules of good taste and sophistication when it comes to fashion (who saw Rio’s gay shorts last week?). This is the inevitable outcome when those who ought to be subject to care in the community orders are given lots of money. One solution is to reduce their salaries to the minimum wage, with any index-linked rises proportionate to their IQ and their contribution to society beyond running around a meadow, chasing and kicking a ball, and spitting, every now and then. Footballers’ wives also should be made to wear a fat-suit in public twice a week.