After a survey of sixth-form teachers revealed today that many believe the standard of A-Levels in England has fallen to a point where monkeys could take the exams, a further survey of the rest of the population claimed that everyone believes that monkeys could qualify as teachers.

According to the survey of sixth-form teachers, the requirements of A-Level syllabuses are significantly less demanding than they were ten years ago. In addition the survey revealed that many teachers have over-zealous and confused attitudes towards the system that underpays, and belittles them.

Despite the majority of monkeys being unable to either read, write, or describe and explain the motion of the skydiver as she descends towards the ground from the moment she jumps until she opens her parachute, one teacher, more likely a member of the drama faculty, exclaimed that “you could train a monkey to do the questions today.”

A sixth-form head from the East Midlands added: ‘This is Mickey Mouse stuff – what they learn at A-level today is not sufficient for GCSE. It is an absolute shambles.’ – Reflecting his compete inability to construct a coherent, or A-Level standard, sentence.

Meanwhile the second survey of the British population revealed that when asked, the average British citizen responded with ‘can’t’ when asked to fill in the blank for ‘those who ____, teach.’