This week saw the first annual day of eulogizing and exalting Britain’s banking hero’s, who have in a very round-about way saved our Great nation from certain financial armageddon.

While both the employed and the unemployed – who number pretty much the same according to official looking statistics – took to the streets to celebrate Britain’s newest and most vogue national holiday, our heroins were busy bowing to yours, mine and everybody’s fairy god-mother at the Palace of Buckingham, accepting their bloody well deserved knighthoods.

Fred “the shred” Goodwin, RBS’ former Chairman, chuckled: “Six months ago I was being hailed as history’s worst banker, but now I’m revered as some sort of monies demi-God. Without my sterling work RBS would have undoubtedly reported losses of more than just £28 billion for 2008; now call me Sir and shine my fucking shoes for me.”

Joining “shredder” on the list of the newly knighted includes Dick “Lehman Brothers was well rubbish anyway” Fuld, Gordon “If only I could see out of both eyes I would have been able to read those reports properly, and could have warned you all about this ten years ago” Brown, Hank “The $700 billion bailout figure isn’t based on any particular data point” Paulson, Alan “Wouldn’t it be interesting if we got rid of interest rates completely” Greenspan, John “Nothing gets pasts the FSA; no, wait…” Tiner, and last – but by no means least – Hank “We folks here at AIG own Carlos-fuckin’-Tevez so there’s absolutely no way we’re going under” Greenberg.

Despite all the reports of ‘negative economic growth this’, and ‘This is more depressing that 1929 that’; I see no reason why we shouldn’t be basking in the survival of our red, white, and blue-collared financial system, that governs our world.

But, what matters most about this gay (happy) day is the people who’ll be celebrating it; the man on the street.

Once such celebrate-ee, a plumber named Joe – not to be confused with Joe Plumber, McCain’s mate – commented: “Yeah, a couple of thousand people, and then some, may have lost their jobs. Hands up, London is probably never gonna recover to be the financial mecca it once was. Point taken, everybody is gonna be buying up shoe boxes to keep their money in from now on. Admittedly, people’s lifetime of savings have been wiped out in one fall swoop. But, look on the bright side, we aint gotta be bartering with cigarettes like I’ve heard their having to do in France right now; Cheese eating surrender monkeys – We’ve still got the good ol’ British Paaaaaand.”

So you heard the man, note it in your diaries, scribble it on your calendars, and mark the day when each year you’ll search under your bed for what little savings you do have left, take them out of the shoebox, throw them in the air and dance around in an epileptic fashion as your monies slowly fall back down to earth around you, because on this national holiday people, you’ll be celebrating the motherfucking bank holiday to end all bank holidays.