The next parliament could be “the best hung parliament in recent British history”, Liberal Democrat leader Nick Clegg has claimed. His comments came in response to an ICM opinion poll that showed the gap between the three main parties narrowing ahead of this year’s general election.

“I don’t mean to sound arrogant, but the more seats we win, the more hung the next parliament will be,” Clegg told Cultsha in an exclusive interview. “We can feel ourselves getting bigger and more powerful just at the thought of it.”

Should the Conservatives fail to win an outright majority of seats in the House of Commons when the nation votes this year, it will almost certainly mean a more influential role for the Lib Dems. A coalition government would be a possibility, but Clegg has already ruled this out.

“This party is not going to get into bed with anyone who lacks the votes to form a strong, hard mandate,” he told us. “If what the people desire is a parliament that is well and truly hung, we are not going to disappoint them by flapping around with a limp, impotent coalition.”

Critics suggest that taking cabinet and ministerial posts under David Cameron’s leadership would be the Lib Dems’ best chance of wielding real power, questioning whether the party has the firmness and staying power to make its presence felt. Asked about this, however, Clegg was defiant.

“We aren’t going to let David Cameron ram his soft, wobbly legislation down our throats. With our stallion-like prowess, the other parties are going to be scared to take us on in the chamber, in the lobby, in the urinals – anywhere,” he said, grabbing his crotch and thrusting his pelvis forward repeatedly.

Clegg concluded: “However, it is likely that collaboration between political parties is going to be very important. In order to get laws passed, whoever becomes prime minister is clearly going to need every swinging dick he can find, and at this election, the Liberal Democrats’ swing will be bigger than Peter Snow’s pendulum can measure.”