Hot Christ. Scrap your account on Myspace. Delete Facebook. Definitely, definitely, definitely remove all cookies. And to be sure, smash the plastic covering to your computer, remove all hardware and then drop it into hot lava like in Terminator 2. Because the Internets is coming to get you and it is the most dangerous thing/place/living entity ever, ever, ever

If reports are to be believed (which mostly isn’t the case. Science is a young and untested medium that should not generally be trusted. Except for the stuff on Lost which is all true) then there are up to 90,000 sex offenders on MySpace. Yes 90,000. Rapists, pedophiles, sleep streakers, al fresco wankers, all of them, the lot. Most of them are probably messaging you directly from prison while they drool over their jumpsuits and caress their dingleberries. How many friends do you have on MySpace that you thought you knew from somewhere, but have been thinking lately that actually you maybe don’t know, but you’ll keep on there as you don’t want your friend count to be seen to be going down as that’s like social network suicide. Yeah well that person is probably planning on having sex with you.

Cultsha has run up some statistics on the single computer we haven’t already set on fire, and if we are to take the stats for MySpace as evident of a trend that extends over the whole Internets, then it is likely that every third person you interact with online is a danger to you. See if there are 90,000 on MySpace, then are at least a half mill on Facebook, and that doesn’t even account for somewhere like LinkedIn that is basically an unregulated haven for sexually repressed businessmen who want to stalk the woman they met recently at their teamwork and respect expo.

In addition the new threat of Twitter has emerged where people advertise themselves through the use of a 140 letter ’status.’ The Twitter medium, that allows one to Tweet to others, and get Tweeted @ is thought to represent a new level of Internets danger under the guise of an innocent self-promoting service represented by a sweet looking blue bird. Do not trust the bird. It is probably trying to have sex with you.

Fears over sex offenders using social networking sites such as MySpace and Facebook to find and approach victims have resulted in a high-profile campaign by Connecticut Attorney General Richard Blumenthal. Mr Blumenthal, co-leader of the state coalition focused on Internets social-networking safety, said in what could be deemed a slightly extremist statement that ”MySpace must purge these dangerous offenders now – and rid them for good.” Now while we here at Cultsha are all for indiscriminate execution of criminals, we assume most people believe in a fair trial. All we can hope is that if they decide to go ahead with the purging that it will be streamed live on the Internets.

So to secure the safety of yourselves we can only offer two solutions. Cut yourself off completely from the Internets and return to having to actually get your shopping from the supermarket. Or delete that weird bald dude named Steve_Nasty with whom you have been sharing increasing unsubtle sexually charged Tweets. He might say he’s in it for the companionship but can you guarantee he isn’t naked from the waste down while he’s messaging you.