Everybody knows that Mexico is only good for three things: its tasty burritos, infectious swine flu and ‘the drugs’.

And, it was the latter of Mexico’s three biggest exports – the drugs – which this weekend brought one of its sunny, sing-a-long, beach resorts (that everybody has heard of yet nobody knows why they do) to its drug-snuggling knees.

On Saturday eve a “deal gone bad” resulted in the death of sixteen ‘lord of the drugs’ combatants, and two government-owned Mexican soldiers in Acapulco. The bloodshed is said to have had nothing to do with the ‘Brits behaving badly’ in the Tequila drenched beach town.

Latin American drug violence is normally kept under wraps by the distraction of illegal dog fighting every 15 yards, but in this weekend’s clashes the drug theatre took centre stage in the heart of this oh-so dreamy seaside resort.

The Beltran Layva gang of drugees – an ultra-violent trafficking group, armed only with Nacho Libre masks, to hide their identities, and bottles of Cholula sauce to rub into their opponents unwitting eyes – were ambushed by heavy-handed, well-equipped government troops.

According to the Mexican tourist board, 2 million British tourists visit Mexico’s beaches every year. Few return without having gained at least 20llbs from the tasty treats that the Latin American nation has to offer, but most escape without having a first person view of  the Mexican justice system.

The British consulate in Mexico City has advised holidaymakers from travelling to the region, commenting in a written statement that: “If you pale folk come down here you’ll either get a cap in yo’, or sunburn upon, your ass; so for your own good, stay away”.

The Mexican Tourist authority have moved to quell fears from tourists by claiming that the body count is “normal for a Monday afternoon,” and that Brits should see the wars as an “opportunity to see the origins of the Cocaine-laced Benzocaine powder they pretend gets them rushing every Friday evening.”