Rafael Benitez, the Liverpool FC manager has refused to concede the Premier League title to Manchester United, even though with one game remaining Alex Ferguson’s team are mathematically un-catchable, and on Saturday were crowned champions of England.

Benitez, bearing a scowl and a new Just For Men rinse, told reporters on Sunday that he expected the title to come down to the final game of the season and that Ferguson was unjustly influencing everyone’s perception of basic arithmatic.

“Listen clearly to my mouth,” the Spanaird said, “Do not look directly into the eyes of that Scottish devil. Next week you will see. Next week he will have to eat my fucking churo. We will win. We lift trophy. Gerrard does not hit me in my face in changing room”

Benitez stated that he was also relying on someone somewhere realising that Manchester United have employed Carlos Tevez on the same dodgy mercenary agreement that caused West Ham to be considered legally relegated from the Premiership last year.

“Are you all fucking blind,” ranted Benitez, “Why the fuck do West Ham get fiscally raped but Manchester United skip around looking innocent and doing whatever the fuck they want. It’s Feruson’s goddamn hypno eyes. I’m fucking telling you.”