We here at Cultsha want to believe that Rihanna’s a smart girl. We don’t want to side with the 95% of under-16s who believe that ‘the loud mouthed bitch got what she deserved’ (source: AngryTeenToday survey). We want to feel sorry for her, nurse her wounds, make Umbrella number one again, and then we want Yeezy, Brown, and Sting or whoever else is convinced it’s not really his fault in a WWE cage death match with Jay Z and a gun.

But she does some dumb shit for clever girl. First off for not getting all Oprah on that shit and saying ‘Fuck Brown, fuck his career, i hope he get sodomised for being a huge lady-beating pussy.’ Then for apparently recording a duet with him, the premise of which is presumably that he does it because he cares about her or some other victimised bollocks. And now as the final nail in the coffin of any inclination we had towards sympathy for the girl, she has decided that she would like to re-fashion herself in the image of Whitney Houston, renowned crack head and wife to free-swinging Bobby Brown.

Whitney, once a revered pop princess, got sucked in by a R&B star who danced ridiculously and had a penchant for smashing her face in until it resembled a recently dropped strawberry cheesecake. Sound familiar.

The remake has been suggested as vehicle for the star to get her career back on track after the recent controversy involving Chris Brown. However if one believes in omens, and here at Cultsha we basically live our lives by them, then attempting to emulate Whitney might not be the best plan unless you want to end up fiending for crack on an entertainment show based around how far you’ve fallen.