With all the seasonal familiarity of a good ol’ Christmas Pantomime in the West End, the controversy-laden pop music circus has rolled into town once again. But, what makes the industry’s latest hi-profile, low-interest spat unique is that it has a happy ending – even without the help of seven dwarfs, a girl’s lost slipper or an Arabian dude on a flying carpet who rubs one out on a magic lamp every now and again.

The rapper Eminem and a man named Nick “loose” Cannon – husband to one Mariah Carey – have been busy duelling in public since the turn of the year, over an alleged relationship between the ‘Stan‘ singer performer man and said ‘Diva to end all Divas’.

The spat between the pair began after Eminem – real name Marshall Mathers III – released a song entitled ‘Bagpipes from Baghdad’ through which he used the medium of tartan-clad tourism in the war-torn Iraqi capital to publicly describe his one-time relationship with Cannon’s songstress wife.

Eminem’s actions unsurprisingly riled ‘sensitive-sort’ Nick, who responded in the most tech-savvy and maturest way in which he knew how - through social networking site Twitter. After all, the hastily written Tweet is mightier than the sword.

The supposed actor and dancer then proceeded to spend months enraged behind his keyboard bashing-out biblical threats aimed at Detroit’s most famous son.

“I will bless those that bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse” Genesis 12:3, read one Tweet.

“Never take your own revenge, but rather give place unto the wrath. For it is written vengeance is mine, I will repay…” The bible page 1,316, read another.

And, as recently as last week Eminem slung the most explicit handful of musical mud in this feud to-date, by releasing a track entitled ‘The Warning’ - which contains the lyrics: “B***h, shut the f**k up before I put all them phone calls out on podcast, that you made to my house.

“Better shut your tiny mouth if you don’t want Nick finding out. You probably think since it’s been so long if I had something on you I woulda did it by now.

“Now don’t make me land-shark your klunge.”

It seems Mathers has really gone to great lengths to verse the full range of his vocabulary on this particular track.

However, Eminem’ s PR has denied that either of the tracks in question are a reference to Carey and claim that the star has been grossly misunderstood “since childhood”.

Having had this explained to him by Eminem’s entourage of neanderthals Cannon has buried the hatchet on the whole thing by deleting his back catalogue of venomous Tweets aimed at the rapper.

“I’m glad that Homeboy and I were able to solve this like men, before the whole situation went all Biggie and Tupac on our ass’s,” commented Cannon.

“After all we do have one obsession - and one allegedly shared experience – in common. I mean who can really blame him? Have you seen the size of those things?”

LEGAL DISCLAIMER BIT: As Mr Cannon failed to provide context on this last statement we here at Cultsha can only assume that he was in fact referring to Mariah Carey’s lungs, and the big pipes that lead down to them, and not in any way to what you are thinking about right now.