Tag archive for ‘Celebrities’
Pete Wentz Ditches the Guyliner, Joins Hamas
Chicago – In a move that has stunned the ever-so-cock-fondlingly-vain world of Perez Hilton, TMZ, and the like, Fall Out Boy bassist/lyricist/all-things-”hipster Brooklyn”-entrepreneur Pete Wentz announced today that he has signed a two-year, 72-virgin deal with Hamas, the Palestinian terror juggernaut best known for getting itself and the people it purports to represent completely annihilated [...]
Turkmenistan President: “No Such Thing as Bad Press”
Ashgabat - Gurbanguly Mälikgulyýewiç Berdimuhamedov, (the actual name of the) President of the Central Asian nation Turkmenistan, hailed United Nations condemnation of human rights practices in his country early Sunday as “long-overdue recognition of our national sport.” Mr. Berdimuhammedov, a one-time dentist who rapidly ascended to power following the 2006 death of then-Turkmenbashi (”leader of all [...]
Government’s proposed ID card system scrapped, as apparently everybody is already following everybody else
Contrary to popular belief human endeavour is a craze that has been around since at least the 1820’s; it wasn’t invented just recently by Lucozade’s marketing team in a shameless attempt at rebranding a nasty little orange(ish) flavoured drink that fails to stimulate neither body, mind or imagination. In at least somebody’s lifetime man has [...]
This is Hart Attack…
Despite the needlessly offensive, and shamelessly attention grabbing, headline this in fact a tribute to the late Tony Hart, of art fame… Tony “The Tony Hart” Hart learnt his trade as a Hart-iste at Maidstone Institute of Art and Design, in Kunt – thank you to the late Geoffrey Chaucer, of book fame, for the [...]
Glitz and Glamour at the Closing of Guantanamo
It has been announced that Barack Obama, the soon-to-be-sworn-in President of the United States, is to close Guantanamo Bay on his first day in office. To mark the event a closing ceremony featuring music, celebrities, as well as a few surprises, is being planned. The closure of the controversial prison is seen as essential for [...]
You’ve all been little shits, so Santa isn’t coming
You already know don’t you? It’s three days before Christmas and you haven’t even bothered looking in the cellar for your presents have you. You know Santa isn’t coming this year and you know why. It’s because you’ve been a little shit. Don’t single yourself out though. We all have. The world’s fucked and it’s [...]
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