Tag archive for ‘Chris Brown’
World Sentenced to Five More Years of Chris Brown
The population of the world was left despairing yesterday after the mediocre R&B singer/mediocre R&B singer basher, Chris Brown, escaped a jail term for assaulting Rihanna. After Brown was sentenced to just five years probation and 180 days of community service, people with ears everywhere were left ruing the decision to spare the 20 year [...]
Inmates Looking Forward to Making Chris Brown’s Acquaintance
Inmates at the Californian penitentiary where Chris Brown is likely to be sent if he is found guilty of assaulting Rihanna, are said to be excited about the imminent arrival of a celebrity. Chris Brown, who faces up to five years in prison following his arrest on the night of the Grammy Awards, has pleaded [...]
Chris Brown Apologises for Musical Assault
Chris Brown yesterday publicly apologised for assaulting the ears of the world with his music. In a two-minute video on his website, the R&B star said he “thought it was time that you heard directly from me that I am sorry”. Brown, a distubingly short lady-beater and sub-par dancer whose fame has baffled celebrity experts, [...]
Rihanna hoping to turn out ‘just like Whitney’
We here at Cultsha want to believe that Rihanna’s a smart girl. We don’t want to side with the 95% of under-16s who believe that ‘the loud mouthed bitch got what she deserved’ (source: AngryTeenToday survey). We want to feel sorry for her, nurse her wounds, make Umbrella number one again, and then we [...]
Chris Brown, Joaquin Phoenix successfully distract world from imminent collapse
As the world continues on its downward spiralling course like a runaway mine train, human-kind has reverted to the comfort of celebrity scandal in an attempt to blind themselves from their emptying cupboards and dwindling bank accounts. This week, not once but twice, celebrities have stepped up to the proverbial plate and provided the masses [...]
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