Tag archive for ‘David Cameron’
Paul Gascoigne Named UK Ambassador to UN
Former England footballer Paul Gascoigne has been named the UK’s ambassador to the UN, after driving all the way from Newcastle to ask for the job. Gascoigne, known to millions as ‘Gazza’, turned up at UN headquarters in New York on Friday night claiming to be a friend of Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. “Just let [...]
Video Club Debt Has Cost Britain Dear, Announces Chancellor In Emergency Budget
It’s official, the good times are over: Britain’s 13-year-long loan of a VHS copy of Titanic from a movie rental store in Twickenham has cost the country dear. In his Emergency Budget speech today, Chancellor George Osborne was left red-faced after opening the Budget briefcase to find only a £60bn bill from the bailiffs inside. [...]
Cameron Named Election Winner After Five-Day Ad Break
British television viewers were forced to wait with baited breath to learn that prime minister Gordon Brown had been evicted from 10 Downing Street, after a dramatic pause segued into a five-day break for commercials. Unusually for the UK, general election results were announced in a ‘reality TV’ style, with a lingering hesitation during which [...]
My Single Vote Won’t Make Any Difference, Say 46 Million People
With a slight interest in party politics, but failing to see the point of voting when you live in a constituency considered a ‘safe seat’, an estimated 46 million eligible voters have been asking themselves whether their vote would really be missed if they just threw their election polling card away. “I’m sure nobody would [...]
Cameron Threatens To Rebuild Berlin Wall In Kent, To Keep Out EU Menace
For centuries orthodox opinion led us all to believe that the world was flat. For even longer, this same school of thought had us thinking that us Brits were, well… British. Wrong. With the stroke of a pen by an arctic-blonde man sat somewhere in the Czech Republic, our darkest fears were confirmed – we’re [...]
“Will the last person to leave the Commons please turn the lights off?”
LONDON – It’s official, there are no professional politicians left to run the country; zilch, zero, none. There is no Speaker of the House, no Justice Minister, no Transport Minister, no disgruntled backbencher, no Web-Cameron, no Gordon Broon, no nobody. The ongoing expenses scandal has one-by-one engulfed MPs from all parties and from all ranks. [...]
Tories Change Party Line: Children Should Not be Trusted
A couple of years ago David Cameron, leader of the Tory Party, uttered the infamous suggestion that the British population should ‘hug a hoody.’ In response to the general perception that children wearing hooded sweatshirts were more than likely to shank anyone over the age of 25 on sight, Cameron offered an alternate reaction to [...]
Peter Scandelson Left Brewing behind Bars, after Scolding “Who the fuckin’ hell are you?!” Attack on Coffee Magnate
London, any of the 324 Starbucks in the City – This week Lord [Ed - This isn't news to me, but still, really?!] of the Prance Mandelson went all torrets on ‘Starbucks guy’ Howard Schultz’s ass. Comrade Madelson, Business Secretary for the incumbent Labour administration, reacted in an entirely inappropriate manner for a man of [...]
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