Tag archive for ‘Death’
Fruit Won’t Save You, Study Finds
A major new scientific study of morbidity and mortality, covering millions of subjects from across the world, has found that you are definitely going to die, no matter how much fruit you eat. “Frankly, you’re screwed,” said Gerry Fitzpatrick, principal author of the study. “You can eat as much fruit and veg as you like, [...]
Daily Mail: Stephen Gately Died From Being In Boy-zone
Daily Mail has sensationally claimed today that Stephen Gately’s untimely death was caused by his membership of recently reformed 90s boyband Boyzone. The paper suggested that Gately, who was recently found dead after a night out in Majorca, could not possibly have died from the causes outlined in his post-mortem, despite it being conducted by [...]
Channel 4 ‘Saddened’ That Big Brother May End Without Single Live Death
After Channel 4 today announced final series of the reality television show Big Brother, will be broadcast next year, executives admitted that they had become disillusioned with their inability to drive any of their contestants to either murder or suicide. The decison comes as Big Brother’s viewing figures feel this year to under two million [...]
Met Office Warns British to Stay Inside as Sun Approaches
The Met Office has issued a Level 2 health warning today as the sun threatens to make an appearence on British soil. As temperatures are expected to exceed 30C, the British population has been warned to stay inside or risk sunburn, heatstroke and spontaneous combustion. The Met office has warned that temperatures may rise up [...]
German Crackdown on Neo-Nazi Music Hailed by Neo-Nazi Groups as “Sufficiently Fascist”
Stuttgart – In one of the most glaringly obvious examples of the cyclical nature of politics and populism, German authorities this week conducted “KrystallRock(t),” a large-scale raid on over 200 homes and businesses alleged to contain far-right, extremist music recordings. Over 45,000 CDs were confiscated in the operation, which Stuttgart chief of police Dirk Goebbels [...]
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