Tag archive for ‘Gordon Brown’
Cameron Named Election Winner After Five-Day Ad Break
British television viewers were forced to wait with baited breath to learn that prime minister Gordon Brown had been evicted from 10 Downing Street, after a dramatic pause segued into a five-day break for commercials. Unusually for the UK, general election results were announced in a ‘reality TV’ style, with a lingering hesitation during which [...]
My Single Vote Won’t Make Any Difference, Say 46 Million People
With a slight interest in party politics, but failing to see the point of voting when you live in a constituency considered a ‘safe seat’, an estimated 46 million eligible voters have been asking themselves whether their vote would really be missed if they just threw their election polling card away. “I’m sure nobody would [...]
Theorectical Buoyant Atlantic Bridge Project Given Go-Ahead
Gordon Brown has announced ambitious plans to build an underwater bridge between England and the USA after watching a television program that depicted the hypothetical possibilities of such a project. The concept, which is said to have almost no basis in reality, is seen by some sceptics as an attempt to financially cripple any rival [...]
What’s The Story Boring Tory: Brown’s Volcanic Temper Wins Over Voters
Despite the worst fears of Labour’s spin doctors, Prime Minister Gordon Brown’s now infamous temper and violent outbursts are proving to be a hit with voters who nostalgically remember the time when they were once the biggest bully in the playground. The small trickle of stories about Britain’s best paid civil servant and his volcanic [...]
Brown Demands Faster Knee Jerks to Tackle Terrorism
Knee-jerk reactions to the attempted US plane bombing on Christmas Day have not been fast enough, prime minister Gordon Brown has claimed. “If we hope to catch terrorists off-guard, we must demand much swifter deployment of strategic anti-terrorist knee movements,” he said on BBC One’s Andrew Marr Show. “By delaying, we are only giving them [...]
Gordon Brown Won’t Shut Up About Twilight: New Moon
Whitehall sources revealed today that Gordon Brown’s obsession with teen vampire fantasy series Twilight is proving dangerously disruptive for colleagues and fellow senior cabinet members, with reports emerging that many members of senior government are finding him almost impossible to work with. “Cabinet meetings have descended into utter farce,” said Jack Straw, who asked not [...]
Brown Blames Handwriting for War in Afghanistan
Prime minister Gordon Brown has admitted that his handwriting has been the cause of every major tactical error in the war in Afghanistan. The revelation came shortly after he was forced to apologise for misspelling the name of a soldier killed in action in a handwritten letter to the soldier’s mother. In an unscheduled briefing, [...]
Now Even Brown Says He’s Voting Tory
The Labour Party Conference of 2009 has been described as something of a disaster by the party’s dwindling band of supporters. In an empty – yet not completely deserted – conference centre in Brighton, sat a solitary figure in the audience. His said his name was Livingstone, although I didn’t catch his first name. And instead [...]
Britain’s Dear Leader, The Sun, Decides on Leadership Change
The Sun, paramount ruler of the Democratic Republic of Britain, has today decided its first-in-command for the past two years, Gordon Brown, will be replaced. After two years of jelly-jowled miscreancy, Brown is expected to be relieved of his position after ‘dear leader’ The Sun, announced that it would no longer support his policies or [...]
BNP Promise ‘To Try Not To’ Emulate Ideological Forefathers
The man literally has nothing to smile about. All Gordon Brown’s friends have de-tagged him from their Facebook photos , only last weekend Dame Margaret Thatcher called him as a “nancy, with a girly-man economic policy”, and to top it off he has a face even his mother can’t love. But all this changed today [...]
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