Tag archive for ‘Gordon Brown’
“Will the last person to leave the Commons please turn the lights off?”
LONDON – It’s official, there are no professional politicians left to run the country; zilch, zero, none. There is no Speaker of the House, no Justice Minister, no Transport Minister, no disgruntled backbencher, no Web-Cameron, no Gordon Broon, no nobody. The ongoing expenses scandal has one-by-one engulfed MPs from all parties and from all ranks. [...]
MPs Counting the Cost of Expensive Expenses
Like dirty little piggies infected with a disease known only to pharmaceutical types as ‘the swine greed’ – a distant relative of the a-pork-alyptic ‘swine-flu’ – Britain’s elected representatives are being exposed as nothing more than common thieves. A scandal of “Geoffrey Archer proportions” is smearing the reputations of MP’s across party lines, as they are one-by-one being [...]
Darling Played Piano on Sinking Titanic, say Witnesses
It is common knowledge that back in 1912 Alistair Darling, incumbent Chancellor of the Exchequer, was busy playing the piano on the deck of the Titanic while she was sinking. If you have ever looked at the man and wondered just how his hair was that so ‘iceberg white’, well there’s your answer; it’s because [...]
Tories Change Party Line: Children Should Not be Trusted
A couple of years ago David Cameron, leader of the Tory Party, uttered the infamous suggestion that the British population should ‘hug a hoody.’ In response to the general perception that children wearing hooded sweatshirts were more than likely to shank anyone over the age of 25 on sight, Cameron offered an alternate reaction to [...]
France and Germany in Cahoots To Destroy World
France and Germany, like jealous toddlers tag-spilling the milk of more powerful siblings, delivered a late threat to derail Gordon Brown’s efforts to secure a global recovery deal last night by demanding new concessions from the United States on financial regulation. In a classic show of eve-of-summit brinkmanship, Angela Merkel metaphorically slipped her index finger [...]
Fred “The Shred” Goodwin and Gordon “The Gopher” Brown in (Tax) Submission Cage Match
According to a very unreliable source, the Prime Minister Gordon Brown and former RBS Chairman Fred Goodwin are having a school yard fight later today. Peter ‘Lord of the Dance’ Mandelson is already taking bets and offering odds of 5-3 in favour of Goodwin but is secretly covering his own prolapsed arse by spread betting [...]
Nation Applauds Wunch of Bankers for Saving Capitalism from the Clutches of… Whatever the Opposite of Capitalism is
This week saw the first annual day of eulogizing and exalting Britain’s banking hero’s, who have in a very round-about way saved our Great nation from certain financial armageddon. While both the employed and the unemployed – who number pretty much the same according to official looking statistics – took to the streets to celebrate [...]
Government’s proposed ID card system scrapped, as apparently everybody is already following everybody else
Contrary to popular belief human endeavour is a craze that has been around since at least the 1820’s; it wasn’t invented just recently by Lucozade’s marketing team in a shameless attempt at rebranding a nasty little orange(ish) flavoured drink that fails to stimulate neither body, mind or imagination. In at least somebody’s lifetime man has [...]
Asexual Government Types Outlaw “Extreme Porn”
In an attempt to take the shine off a return-home after a Friday night out, and the clandestine destruction of a quick trip to the bathroom with your Blackberry following a mandatory health and safety meeting, the British Government has only gone and banned “Extreme Porn”. I mean, I’m not entirely sure what extreme porn [...]
Entries (RSS)