Tag archive for ‘Nick Clegg’
Cameron Named Election Winner After Five-Day Ad Break
British television viewers were forced to wait with baited breath to learn that prime minister Gordon Brown had been evicted from 10 Downing Street, after a dramatic pause segued into a five-day break for commercials. Unusually for the UK, general election results were announced in a ‘reality TV’ style, with a lingering hesitation during which [...]
My Single Vote Won’t Make Any Difference, Say 46 Million People
With a slight interest in party politics, but failing to see the point of voting when you live in a constituency considered a ‘safe seat’, an estimated 46 million eligible voters have been asking themselves whether their vote would really be missed if they just threw their election polling card away. “I’m sure nobody would [...]
Nick Clegg Will Burn Your Cacti, Children
You stupid cunts, what have you done? That is the question being asked of the British public after opinion polls showed a massive surge of around 10 points in support of the Liberal Democrats’ election chances, on the back of Britain’s first ever televised prime ministerial debates. It fell to the right-wing press to bring [...]
Lib Dems Woo Masturbator Vote
The Liberal Democrats claim to be on course to achieve an election upset after porn director Anna Arrowsmith was chosen as a parliamentary candidate for Gravesham, Kent, in an effort to lure millions of undecided masturbators. Arrowsmith, 38, whose directing credits under her professional pseudonym Anna Span include Hoxton Honey, Toy With Me and Play [...]
Next Parliament Will Be ‘Hung’, Boasts Clegg
The next parliament could be “the best hung parliament in recent British history”, Liberal Democrat leader Nick Clegg has claimed. His comments came in response to an ICM opinion poll that showed the gap between the three main parties narrowing ahead of this year’s general election. “I don’t mean to sound arrogant, but the more [...]
Nick Clegg’s ‘Change in 2010′ Speech Leaves Britain Speechless
In a speech that had President Obama phoning him up for tips, Nick Clegg’s infamous ‘change in 2010’ speech, which delivered a new year message to the masses on December 31st,has been hailed by a board of speech writers, backbench MPs and Ben Elton as the ‘Speech of the Decade’. In 2009, a year which [...]
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