‘I Just Wanted to Fuck Saddam Up,’ Blair Tells Iraq Inquiry

In a stunning and uncharacteristic bout of openness, former UK prime minister Tony Blair has told the Chilcot inquiry into the Iraq war that he took Britain into the conflict with no motivation except “to fuck Saddam up”. The outburst, which appears to have fully vindicated all protestors and critics of the war, came in [...]

Iran Football Chief Sorry for Forgetting Non-Existence of ‘Israel’

The president of the Iranian Football Federation (IFF), Ali Kaffashian, has apologised for his organisation’s strange and confusing decision to send a New Year’s greeting to a fictional country. The IFF’s foreign affairs chief Mohammad-Manour Azimzadeh has also resigned, taking responsibility for the mistake. The made-up state, ‘Israel’, which is thought to be a figment [...]

Brown Demands Faster Knee Jerks to Tackle Terrorism

Knee-jerk reactions to the attempted US plane bombing on Christmas Day have not been fast enough, prime minister Gordon Brown has claimed. “If we hope to catch terrorists off-guard, we must demand much swifter deployment of strategic anti-terrorist knee movements,” he said on BBC One’s Andrew Marr Show. “By delaying, we are only giving them [...]

‘Tiger Woods, Lady Gaga Facebook Sex’ Story Fails to Boost Web Traffic

A suggestive story implying a Facebook-related link between golfer Tiger Woods, musician Lady Gaga and the word ‘sex’ has failed to produce any discernible increase in web traffic for gossip website Pimpsandhos.com, much to the publisher’s disappointment. Despite repeated mentions of the disgraced sports star Tiger Woods in close proximity to in-vogue singer Lady Gaga [...]

NFL Players to Donate Brains After Retirement

American football’s NFL has encouraged players to give permission for their brains to be removed and used for scientific study at the end of their sporting lives. High-profile players such as Ben Roethlisberger, Brian Westbrook and Kurt Warner have already been convinced with surprising ease to sign up to the initiative, intended to examine the [...]

BA to Attempt to Halt Christmas in Court

British Airways, reeling from the recent announcement that its cabin crew plan to strike for twelve days over Christmas, has begun legal action against the Christian Church, in the hope that they can suspend the religious holiday. It is understood that the tactic is designed to nullify the threat of the festive walkout, by obtaining [...]

I’m a Celebrity Stars Charged with Cruelty to Audience

Two stars of ITV’s hit reality show I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here! have been charged in Australia with cruel and inhumane treatment of the programme’s viewers.

The overall winner – TV chef Gino D’Acampo – and fellow contestant Stuart Manning were questioned by police after allegedly performing humiliating publicity stunts and making inane conversation for three weeks in front of millions of witnesses.

Cultsha’s Top 10 Lists of the Decade

The end of a decade always feels like a special time – not least because it gives journalists the opportunity to review the previous 10 years in a format that delivers insight, surveys mankind’s achievements and, most importantly, fills space.

The noughties have seen the list elevated to an artform, reaching what some would call the apotheosis of itemising events from an arbitrary timeframe in a sequence determined by subjective criteria.

Patrick Swayze Named Sexiest Man Not Alive

Patrick Swayze has beaten out the competition to win the title of Sexiest Man Not Alive in his first year of eligibility.

Bookmakers had it as a two-horse race between Swayze and Stephen Gately to win the coveted gong, handed out annually by Dead People magazine. The former Ghost actor and living human took the title in the same week that Johnny Depp won the non-deceased version of the prize for the second time.

Herman van Something Named President of Europe

The highest political office in Europe, the presidency of the European Council, has been given to Herman van Something, a Belgian, we think.

The newly installed president, currently the prime minister of his home country, presumably, was handed the role after it became clear that broad-based support was lacking for Britain’s favoured candidate, Tony Blair.