Tag archive for ‘War’
‘I Just Wanted to Fuck Saddam Up,’ Blair Tells Iraq Inquiry
In a stunning and uncharacteristic bout of openness, former UK prime minister Tony Blair has told the Chilcot inquiry into the Iraq war that he took Britain into the conflict with no motivation except “to fuck Saddam up”.
The outburst, which appears to have fully vindicated all protestors and critics of the war, came in response [...]
Brown Blames Handwriting for War in Afghanistan
Prime minister Gordon Brown has admitted that his handwriting has been the cause of every major tactical error in the war in Afghanistan. The revelation came shortly after he was forced to apologise for misspelling the name of a soldier killed in action in a handwritten letter to the soldier’s mother.
In an unscheduled briefing, Brown [...]
German Crackdown on Neo-Nazi Music Hailed by Neo-Nazi Groups as “Sufficiently Fascist”
Stuttgart – In one of the most glaringly obvious examples of the cyclical nature of politics and populism, German authorities this week conducted “KrystallRock(t),” a large-scale raid on over 200 homes and businesses alleged to contain far-right, extremist music recordings.
Over 45,000 CDs were confiscated in the operation, which Stuttgart chief of police Dirk Goebbels lauded [...]
Pete Wentz Ditches the Guyliner, Joins Hamas
Chicago – In a move that has stunned the ever-so-cock-fondlingly-vain world of Perez Hilton, TMZ, and the like, Fall Out Boy bassist/lyricist/all-things-”hipster Brooklyn”-entrepreneur Pete Wentz announced today that he has signed a two-year, 72-virgin deal with Hamas, the Palestinian terror juggernaut best known for getting itself and the people it purports to represent completely annihilated [...]
Somalia to Become a Theme Park, United Nations Announces
Mogadishu – UN Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon today unveiled plans to transform the Republic of Somalia into “a tourist attraction greater in scale, scope, and entertainment value than Disneyworld, Ibiza, and Bali combined.”
Deemed “the world’s most utterly failed state” by the Wall Street Journal, Somalia has long been embroiled in various bloody civil conflicts, with [...]
Report: Millwall Hooligans Tapped to Oust Al-Qaeda from Pakistan’s North-West Frontier Province
A memo outlining an imminent shift in United States strategy within the Afghanistan-Pakistan border region was leaked late Monday night from the office of US Secretary of Defense Robert Gates.
The report requests an immediate withdrawl of unmanned spy drones, as well as a complete pullout of all Allied ground forces in the area. Speaking [...]
Obama ready to just start nuking fucking everybody
Barack Obama, who will today be inaugurated as America 44th president, is expected to enter the Oval Office with an itchy trigger finger.
While, most of the hippies, left-wingers, coffee-drinking bloggers with non-prescription glasses, and naive high schoolers will tell you that Obama has a “face like an innocent child” with a “smile that makes orthodontists [...]
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