In a remarkable turn of events a popular television program has revealed that there is no correlation between a person’s appearance and their vocal abilities. A 47-year-old church volunteer from West Lothian has become an unlikely overnight singing sensation with millions watching her perform online.

Susan Boyle, from Blackburn, stunned judges on ITV’s Britain’s Got Talent with her performance of I Dreamed A Dream from Les Miserables on Saturday. The judges, who at first laughed heartily at her clown-like appearance, had initially assumed that Boyle would present a clanger ripe for public mockery. However, they were surprised to find that her silly face didn’t reflect her singing voice.

Judge Piers Morgan said “The minute she walked in the room i was ready to belittle her to the point of suicide. I thought, this is the one. I’m going to terrorise her to such a degree that she ends up stalking me and killing herself outside my house in some kind of infatuation ritual. Oh man can you imagine how the ratings would have jumped”

Previous science that suggested vocal ability exactly matched physical appearance was based on Gordon Brown’s jelly jowl reflecting his inability to construct a coherent sentence. That has now been thrown out the window as Boyle showed that funny looking old people might be more than just welfare leeches.