The Great British moral public outburst has struck again. Following complaints from as many as eight viewers that the Marks & Spencer’s Christmas TV advert objectifies attractive women, the Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) has been called in to investigate. Not since Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand discussed ‘land sharking’ an old man’s granddaughter, while live on national radio, has the stalwart British public been so disgusted.

Quick to stifle the moral hysteria, an M&S spokesperson has responded to the controversy surrounding the star of the advert, ’damn fine’ French underwear model Noemie Lenoir, in a statement that read: ‘We expect common sense to prevail at this time. It is our hope that the ASA will rightfully see that objectifying women is in keeping with the hyper-consumerism and material-object-chasing that the Yule-tide spirit teaches us at this time of year.’ The release went on to say that, ‘Nobody cares for family, carols or decorations anymore. And Christianity is certainly on the backburner. Christmas simply wouldn’t be Christmas without the presents. Whether they they come in the form of a remote controlled velociraptor or a French girl in a tasty thong is beside the point.’

Interestingly, Ms. Lenoir is no stranger to controversy. Back in 2008 a giant billboard campaign showing pictures of the model in her ‘later on in the evening attire’ were put up across the UK, causing scores of road traffic accidents involving red blooded commuters with a liking for the Parisian beauty.

Having had the chance to watch the commercial for the first time, and to freeze it repeatedly in all the right places, an ASA investigator commented that, ‘Despite being the leading moral bastion on the High Street, it’s a well known fact that M&S has been trying to get Christmas cancelled for years. However, if anything I always thought it would have been their prices that would have killed-off the Yule-tide sentiment, not that foreign tart in the thong.’

Following questioning, the ASA investigator, who did not want to be named, confirmed to Cultsha that at least 2 of the 8 complaints filed against the advert were for, ‘the section with that luuuuvly curly-haired bird running around in her underwear not being realistically long enough to knock one out too’, and were nothing to with objectifying women in a bad way.