In space no one can hear Sam Neill stab you in your face

Have you seen Event Horizon. With the space ships, and Lawrence Fishburne, and the screaming, and the skinless bodies and all the hell stuff. Yeah well that’s what awaits us on the other side of a black hole. And you all laughed and joked when they turned on The Large Hadron Collider about how some idiots out there were predicting oblivion. “The end of the world is coming” you mocked with your best high pitched mockery tone, stolen directly from your favourite adult themed cartoon. And then you let the scientist’s go ahead and smash protons into each other like it wasn’t as dangerous wearing a Blackburn shirt to a Burnley game.

But now look. The BBC’s media scaremongers scientists specialising in imminent doom and space discovery have reported that they have found a black hole at the center of the Milky Way. Not even at the center of the universe which would have given us at least twelve minutes to live but literally just behind the moon.

You did this. Instead of writing a letter to The Daily Mail about how smashing protons will lead to domino pushers being allowed to marry or children not being able to smoke crack on the real, you went and voted for that monstrosity of a human Eoghan on X-Factor.

AND NOW YOU DESERVE TO DIE