Fed up with earning a decent salary and visiting beautiful parts of the world that most of us have never even thought to Google street-map, in return for having to serve-up lukewarm macaroni cheese, and couple the odd seat-belt or two, 14,000 British Airways stewardess’ are taking immediate and completely necessary industrial action.

Coupled with the striking posties, the air stewardess’ have added to the recent fall in the British Missery Index, which dropped 2.1 percentage points when the industrial work-shy action was announced. Meanwhile across the pond, somewhere in Paris on a raised platform, a small, yet powerful man with a beautiful wife took spirit from the knowledge that his people were the muse for unionised Britons everywhere. It’s easy to blame the politically dissenting French for this recent spate of industrial action, and that’s why we’ve done exactly that.

Since the walkout began this morning at 1100 GMT, picket lines have been popping up along the runways of all the nation’s main aviation hubs including Heathrow, Gatwick and Stansted airports. Thus far, only one BA flight has been grounded, and as few as 13 strikers have been run over/sucked-up into the jet engines of a BA flight. However, the good news for those of you who have already booked a flight to warmer climes, BA pilots are failing to strike in solidarity with their slightly-less dressy colleagues. One alpha-male, brutish pilot was seen with a somewhat political bumper sticker on his flight case that read: “Trolly Dollys are only good for one thing.”

The voice of the flight attendants, Heather Scargill – who has turned out to be a real chip off of the ol’ block – seems to have learnt a few lessons from her infamous grandfather, and is leading the attempt to coax a bumper bonus from the nation’s (allegedly) favourite airline. Naïve to the fact that she, and she alone probably has the largest carbon footprint of any Briton on earth, Scargill told Cultsha “My dad once said that trade unionists underestimate the economic strength they have, and if his success is anything to go then we’ll slowly crush the aviation industry until it fiscally implodes on itself and we can all have 365 unpaid days of holiday a year, which i think is a fair trade for stubbornly retaining our dated principles.”