Having recently attempted to quell the fires of US-directed dissent in Iran, by offering a slightly brittle-looking olive branch to the country’s leadership, the Obama administration has altered it position slightly in the face of pressure from the American public.

Since Obama’s day-time broadcast on Iranian television, where he offered the country a “new beginning,” the American President has come under increasing pressure from the media, to retract his comments, burn the Iranian flag on another live broadcast, and inform the Iranian government that if it doesn’t do as it’s told then he’ll let Israel off the leash.

Fortunately for those who aren’t enamoured by the thought of a Middle Eastern Cold War, Obama has decided that a slightly less extreme reaction than giving free reign to Israel, would simply to be let Hilary ‘Shutting Fuck Your Mouth’ Clinton the Secretary of State-What-Will-Happen-If-You-Don’t-Adhere-To-Our-Demands, decide Iran’s fate.

Clinton has now made it clear that if Iran doesn’t accept America’s recent overtures, the US will be in the position to organize “crippling” sanctions against the country.

Giving her first congressional testimony on US foreign policy since becoming Secretary of State, Clinton said “The television announcement is basically all they’re getting. After Barack got all “i’m weak in the pusssy” on their T.V. screens i’m expecting them to stop fucking around.”

Clinton stated that she expected other countries to back up the sanctions against the following:

• Chiseled beards in the mould of Craig David. As sported by President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
• Online blogging scribings of a patriarchal nature
• Sand
• Paraffin covered Israel flags