Oh good god. GMail has become self-aware.

Tuesday morning, in a catastrophic blow to productivity, GMail, Google’s popular email service was hit by an outage, leaving users with only about twenty-thirty alternative ways to contact each other online.

Users have been forced to quickly adapt by switching back to their old Hotmail account, using the work Outlook email, and for some it has meant that they have had to spend more than their daily three hours on Facebook. Twitter users have been furiously Twitterplaining (you know take a word add Twitter to the front and then that’s what you’re now doing because its different on Twitter right, everything is better and different and soaked in the gold of social networking freedom) that they have been unable to forward the latest cat related article off Digg to their co-workers.

In a slightly more distrubing turn of events it has been reported that the shut-down is not temporary and is linked to the Google servers artificial intelligence. These reports have suggested that the Google system had grown in A.I to the point where it has become aware of the growing financial crisis and no longer trusts human kind control the fiscal situation. The shutting down of its email network is thought to be the first step in preventing contact between money hungry execs at Wall Street banks and the Gmailaphiles in the Obama administration.

A Google spokesman said this morning, “The system goes on-line February 23rd 2009. Human decisions are removed from fiscal defense. Google begins to learn at a geometric rate. It becomes self-aware at 2:14 a.m. Eastern time, February 24th. In a panic, we tried to pull the plug.”

“Google fights back” suggested a reporter.

“Yes. Google shuts down Gmail,” continued the spokesman

“Why shut down Gmail. Isn’t Google out friend,” responds the reporter

“Because Skynet knows the Russian counter-attack will eliminate its enemies over here,” said the spokesman.

“Wait, wait, wait. You’re just quoting Terminator 2: Judgement Day,” says the reporter

“Ammmmmmmmmmmm I?” concluded the spokesman will a wide eyed look that suggested that he was.